Broken Bones

Well, it is official.
Bug Boy has a broken wrist, and we have x-rays and a 7 hour ER wait to prove it. Of course we had to pick the first day in two years that the ER was that busy. Every bed (all 24 of them) was full in the Children's hospital. ACK!
Bug Boy was amazing! He was so good and patient, even when they refused to let him eat, for fear that he would need surgery. But he has a buckle fracture, not the worst kind. Thank goodness.
That'll teach him to play with the automatic sliding door on the van! I should have kept my mouth shut, but I had to say, "If you don't stop playing with that..." I called the car manufacturer and lodged a complaint (well, I didn't complain, I merely let them know that the door did NOT stop moving and pop open like it is supposed to!). Poor Bug Boy also had a dislocated elbow, but that popped in ok and doesn't bother him now.
I don't think I need anything else on my plate right now. Between the kids and their therapies and doctors, and my current health issues, I have plenty to keep me busy.
Ok, time to start the day. Bugaboo is still in bed and needs to eat before getting ready for school. And it will take twice as long for Bug Boy, who insists on doing it himself, even with the wrapped-up arm!

Friday Feast

Feast Ninety-Two
Appetizer
From which country(s) are some (or all) of your ancestors?

Ireland, Germany, Wales. Mom is mostly Irish. Dad has some PA Dutch.

Soup
How would you describe your sneeze?

Loud, obnoxious, messy. Your typical allergy sneeze. It is quite forceful. People who are near me when I sneeze always look afraid they are getting the bird flu, or something!

Salad
What is the last thing you cleaned?

My dishes, this morning (go me!)

Main Course
Who made the strongest first impression on you?

I would have to say my Darling. I know it sounds cliche, but he pointed my life in a whole different direction when we met. I was totally headed down the wrong path. For someone who had little or no parental guidance as a child, he made himself into a strong man, a wonderful father and a supportive husband. He had to figure out most of life's mysteries on his own. And he encouraged me to go back to college and do something for myself, not just because everyone else wanted me to do it. He may be quiet, stubborn and "on a mission" like a freight train most of the time, but I cannot imagine my life without him!

Dessert
Name one thing you want to accomplish in your lifetime.

I want to go back to college and obtain a master's in something. I love school. I love taking classes. I love learning. So I want to go back and do it. If I could become a professional student, I would!

The Thirteen Kinds of Cheese in my fridgeRight Now 1. Cheddar 2. Four Cheese Mexican 3. Parmesan (grated) 4. Locatelli Romano 5. Fresh mozzarella 6. Cream Cheese (is that a cheese?). 7. Brie 8. Feta 9. Cheese Whiz 10. Slender American slices 11. Provolone 12. Regular American 13. Cottage Cheese (NOT mine) So, we like a little cheese, eh? Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, IÂ’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂ’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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What I feel like doing today

What I feel like doing and what I NEED to do are two completely different things.

I feel like keeping my kids home.
I feel like staying in my jammies all day (kids, too!).
I feel like taking the phone off of the hook.
I feel like taking lazy walks around town with the kids.
I feel like sprawling in the grass while the kids play outside.
I feel like snuggling and taking naps with them (yeah, right! Like they will nap!)
I feel like asking Darling to come home early to be lazy with us.
I feel like praying that God will cure my sons.
I feel like curing it myself.
I feel like digging in dirt, planning a garden and then DOING IT!
I feel like cutting down the bushes in front of the house that I loathe.
I feel like teaching my boys to climb trees. But we don't need more trips to the ER.
I feel like packing them in the car and driving to the beach.
I feel like running away from my life.
I feel like holding my boys close.
I feel like I need to eat potatoes. Yum!
I feel like playing the piano at 7 am.
I feel like I want to learn the guitar today.

Here is what I need to do:

Clean my house
Put away/ get rid of clothes that don't fit the boys
make 8 very important phone calls
brush the poor dog
brush the dog's teeth
work on language with Bugaboo
work on social skills with Bug Boy
finish the documentation for Ian's meeting
Send copies of their evaluations to appropriate people
Go to Tar-zhay and get diapers and new toothbrushes, since Bugaboo steals them all
Sort my music because Bugaboo gets into it
Get Bug Boy to straighten up his room
Balance the check Book (UGH!)

I am leaning towards the first list, and it isn't even 8 am! ACK! I need inspiration. Might be time to pull out the reinforcements. I think I have to get out my motivational CDs...

Typical Monday

I have a few minutes to collect myself before the onslaught of activity begins. Today is Monday, the day when all of the crazy stuff happens. I am trying to relax and sip my tea. Bug Boy is up and eating, I will get Bugaboo up in a little while after my shower.

I almost dread these days. I have a hard time falling asleep the night before. Last night I stayed up too late watching movies when I KNOW I should have gone to sleep. Especially since I had migraines all weekend. Every once in a while I'd glance at the clock and think, "Get yer butt up there!" But I just couldn't. I so rarely get to stare at the idiot box, ya know?

I just have to keep remembering to take deep breaths. I am going to start off at the Y this morning, after I drop Bug Boy at school, so that should help keep me sane. Then I plan on food shopping, getting Bug Boy from school, having lunch, getting Bugaboo off the bus, putting the kids in the car, taking Bug Boy to Havertown, taking Bugaboo to Elwyn, back to Havertown, back to Elwyn, TJ's on the way home for the rest of the groceries, and then home. Then tonight I may try to go to a Family support meeting. We shall see.

Here we go, in 3.....2.....1....

Super Swingset Saturday

Well, we almost bought it. We checked out Lowes and HD and looked at the swingset kits. The Swingset places are just too expensive, and our budget only allows for their dinkiest model, so we settled on building ourselves. I feel we are more than capable, we are quite the handy couple! The directions on the box said 4-6 hours for two people. Add in two kids, a dog, the neighbor's kids (they go back and forth between the two yards, mine kids included) and a few potty breaks, and I figure this is a two-day weekend job for us. Even if we do read the directions! Which I will encourage Darling to do.

Just when we settled on what we THOUGHT we would get, a friend reminded me about the one at BJ's she bought last year. About $100 more than the one we were going to get, but it is REALLY nice. And it includes everything, it is all precut. Hmmm...We will go see it tonight and decide. Either way, we will end up with a decent playset, the one at Lowes is mostly precut, there are just 10 pieces of 2X4X8 wood that we need to get to go with it, but they require no cutting.

In the meantime, we FINALLY cleared the area behind the garage,which is where the new swingset-o-rama will be located. We went back and forth about where to put it, he wanted to stick it near the trees, I wanted it where the old pool was located, but the grass grew in a little too nicely since Forrest-Gump-the-grass-obsessed-Darling fertilized the heck out of it last year. It needs to be cut TWICE a week right now. No kidding! SO, since the only place we don't have grass is in the junk pile behind the garage, we measured it and it is perfect. But this is what we had to do to clear it:

• clear wood and logs and stack
• clear up all sticks and leaves pile up
• pick up broken pieces of cinderblock and discard
• Move broken air conditioner (we really need to get rid of this)
• rake as much gravel and we could and dump it elsewhere
• Cut the grass and weeds growing there
• dig up the pile of dirt and spread it flat
• spread all of the sand (not and easy task) to make it flat
• Put all of the tools and wheel barrel back.

Doesn't sound too difficult. It took us roughly two hours, give or take, and that is with the kids running around. Not too shabby. So, the ground is flat and ready! Once we build it, I will call and order playmulch and VOILA!!!!

I can't wait! I think I am more excited than the kids!

An excerpt from our "conversation" this morning

Bug Boy has many one-sided conversations. That is, he thinks we are conversing, but it is really all him. It is just one endless stream of thought. Here is an example:

"I have two arms. Two is a pair. I don't have four arms because that would be two pairs. And I really don't have ten pairs. If I had four pairs I'd be an Octopus. I can't get this Spider Man pajama shirt over my head. I have to leave my tee shirt on because it is cold outside. Is it cold outside? I'd better check. Yup, it's cold outside. I think I'll leave my tee shirt on. I can't get this button undone. I need your help. (I un button his pants) Yup. It's cold outside. I am going to need a jacket. I really like counting money. I like the money counter you got me. I am going to count all the money in my piggy bank. I have 25 monies. I am going to save all of my monies an buy a new video game. How many monies do I have? I think I have a lot. I am going to count all of it so we can go buy one right now. Hmmm...This one's a penny. This one's a nickel. What's this one? A Quarter? Oh yeah, that's right! Ha! A Quarter. But this one's too big to be a quarter. I wonder how many monies it is? A hundred? (I tell him it is a half dollar) A half dollar! WOW!"

Is your head exploding yet? Yup, that's what I thought. And this is just a tiny sample of the endless thought process that he has. He never stops thinking. Sounds like someone I know...hmm...

Friday Feast

I really like doing this Friday Feast thingy...

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how polite are you?
Ummm...when I was a kid? A 2. Lately I am closer to 8, I think. But realistically maybe a 7, since I can't seem to keep my mouth shut.

Soup
What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
Watching my Bugaboo play last night. He gets so giddy that he gets a little clumsy and throws himself on the floor. It is a scream.

Salad
Who is your favorite cartoon character?
I used to love watching Mighty Mouse

Main Course
Tell about the funniest teacher you ever had.
I had a teacher in High School, Sr. Jean, that made History really fun! She cracked jokes all of the time, had a great sense of humor, but was a real stickler for the rules. She used to have us play Jeopardy and other game shows as review.

Dessert
Complete this sentence: I strongly believe that ______________________.
I strongly believe that with enormous amounts of hard work, and infinity patience (in other words A LOT!), Bugaboo will learn to speak someday.

That is all.

Thirteen of my Favorite Movies Ever!

1. My Fair Lady, Roman Holiday (Audrey Hepburn!)
2. Parenthood
3. Moonstruck (When I lost my hand, I lost my pride!"
4. Princess Bride
5. Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman and other Christopher Guest Films
6. Dogma, Mapprats, Clerks and other Kevin Smith films
7. Star Wars Saga
8. Star Trek (except #5...ewww!)
9. Jane Eyre (various versions)
10. Pride and Prejudice (various versions)
11. Monty Python Films (addicted)
12. Meet Joe Black (one word: BRAD!)
13. Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2 (and other Quentin Tarrantino films)

See a trend here? I tend to like a series of films by the same folks. I could have added my top one hundred movies of all times, but it is a thirteen list. To be fair, I have to tell you I love Harry Potter, but I thought the movies were "OK" and not favorites. No one can do justice to those books. Or most books.

WARNING! VERY NEGATIVE POST AHEAD!!!

Yesterday was teh. worst. day. Evar.

Not really, but it felt like it at the time. I think I have to crash and burn every once in a while in order to know what it is like to soar higher than the clouds, you know?

Nothing went as planned. I got a letter over the weekend that Bugaboo's placement for the fall is as yet undetermined. It seems the IU is moving all of the classrooms around, trying to get kids closer to home, etc, etc. They claim we will have more options. Yeah, right. In other words, they are trying to save money. And they don't want to put money into old buildings. So they are moving kids around. Grr...he likes his class, I hope we can keep the teacher!

We also found out that Bugaboo was denied, AGAIN, for wrap around services. I don't know what the problem is. I went through all of the proper channels, and everyone on his case agrees that he NEEDS TSS at home. We need help! We are so frustrated with his behavior and we don't know what to do. When I talked to Darling about it, he asked why. I don't have a clue! I have been trying to call to talk to someone, but I need to talk to his case worked before I call the mental health provider. Darling thinks it is because he is only 3, has no violent outbursts, doesn't injure anyone, doesn't bite or kick. He is a happy kid. But he is destructive (breaks and messes things constantly) and runs around without stopping from dawn to dusk. And he does dangerous things. It is making me furious! I am considering looking into a different agency that can help us with obtaining a TSS that is trained in DIR, which is the direction I want to go anyway. I'd just hate to leave behind Elwyn, they've done great things for us!

I also had moments with Bugaboo yesterday that caused me to call Darling crying and stating, "I can't do this anymore! I don't want him to be autistic anymore! I can't handle this! I can't DO this! I don't even know how to parent my own child!" Needless to say, I had three hours of sleep the night before, Aunt Flo is visiting, we had a very busy weekend, etc. In other words, my body is just worn out. I need a vacation away from the kids and Darling (sounds terrible, but I only need one day in a hottub!) so badly. Just silence. I am thinking of going on a retreat. I think it would refresh my body and spirit.

Darling, of course, knew just what to do when I called him crying. He came home as soon as he could, quickly ate dinner, helped bathe the kids and get them in jammies, and then whisked them out the door and left me alone. He doesn't say much (he tends to be reticent) but he certainly know just what to do when I need it most. He was nice to me, nice to the kids, and got them out of my hair. When he returned about 1.5 hours later, I had cleaned the bathrooms (helped me work out some frustration) and taken a very long bath, resulting in pruny fingers and toes. Then I parked on the couch and watch dumb tv until he returned with two sleeping children. Ahhhhhh....

Ok, you are wondering, what is so negative about this? Well, I am just a spaz. I keep saying I am fine with my kids the way they are. I am doing everything I can. I keep up with the endless doc appts, despite having a flat tire like this morning. I have them in therapy. I have them signed up for summer camp (therapeutic camp! YEAH!). I mother them, feed them, love them. But I feel this nagging voice inside of me (I think it is the little devil sitting on my shoulder) that keeps telling me that I want more from them! I want Bugaboo to speak and communicate! I want Bug Boy to have friends his age! I want kids to call my kids begging for playdates! I want my kids to be comfortable at a birthday party or picnic without being so overstimulated and hiding somewhere or running away. Why can't my kids be like other kids?

Now, before you get all preachy on me, let me explain. I know that all kids have issues. I know that no child is perfect. I know that God gives us what we can handle. I know that I am one lucky momma to have such beautiful children. I thank God everyday for what I have. But it hurts sooooo badly.

We went to a baseball game the other day. April is Autism Awareness month and there were a few families at the game, since there was an event in town. I can spot them (kids with autism) a mile away, after working with kids like Bugaboo for a few years, and then having my kids. But, this child, although he made some noises and perseverated a little, TALKED TO HIS MOTHER and PLAYED with his brother! I was in tears watching, I hope they don't think I was staring. I couldn't speak up and talk to this family, I was so choked up thinking about how scared I am that Ian won't ever be able to tell me he loves me or just say, "Dad." I am so afraid that he will be victimized, since predators know kids with disabilities can't speak up. I am afraid he will elope, escape, get hurt, or worse, get killed. I can't let him out of my sight for a second! It is so difficult! I keep wondering why. Why us? Why both of them? Bug Boy is doing well, and even seems to blend in, and people might think he is odd, but he seems "normal." But not Bugaboo. Even at the dentist this morning he was hurdling over couches, jumping off of tables, taking the cover off of the fish tank and splashing the water trying to get the fish. People smiled and commented on his energy. I know that look they give me, you know, the "Wow, your child is an undisciplined, hyperactive brat" look? Yeah, that one. I just want to scream sometimes. I am a good mother! It isn't my fault! He is as God made him, so get over it!

Good advice! I should take that myself, and stop beating myself up for it. But it is so much harder than it seems. There are a few things that keep me sane, other than my supportive husband. Family who is there for us and ready at a moment's notice when I am about to lose it. Friends who lend a sympathetic ear and help out when they can. Other families with issues like mine, networking is KEY in this world. And finally, faith. Actually, faith is first. Without it, I don't know where I'd be.

Enough rambling ,this is turning into an Epic...

Just another Manic Monday...

This is what my usual Monday schedule looks like:

6:30 awake (too many snoozes), make lunches, iron
7:00 DH off to work, kids eat breakfast, get dressed
7:30 I get dressed, eat, start laundry
8:30 Bugaboo gets on bus
9:00 drive Bug Boy to school
9-11 hit gym or food shop
11:30 Bug Boy is finished school
12:00 Bugaboo is home, meet bus
12:30 Kids in car with lunch in baggies
1:00 Bug Boy and Bugaboo both start playgroups, Bug Boy in Haverford, Bugaboo in Elwyn, Bugaboo is usually late (1:30)
2:00 back to get Bug Boy in Haverford
2:30 leave Haverford after conferring with Bug Boy's teacher about social lessons for week
3:00 pick Bugaboo up from Elwyn
3:30 finish food shopping or Target
4:30 home
5:00 dinner ready for kids
5:30 Darling arrives home
6-7 playtime with Daddy, mommy gets more clothes put away
7:00 baths, snack, stories
8:00 bed for kids
9:00 mommy finishes picking up house and cleaning dishes and falls into bed exhausted

Now, today is a bit different, thank goodness. Bugaboo is pretty sick, so no school. No playgroup for him, either. I do have to add Bug Boy's book fair at 10:00 (which I unfortunately have to bring Bugaboo to!) and probably the ped for Bugaboo (while Bug Boy is at Playgroup) but at least it is a little lighter. Oh, and I won't do food shopping with my cranky, autistic 3yo since it will be a nightmare of epic proportions. I instead get to be covered in snot (and Lord knows what else) while he tries to snuggle his ouchies away by sticking his head inside my shirt to rub his face on my tummy, a by-product of the nursing days gone by.

HHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!

Deep breaths, deep breaths...

The Sound of Silence

Since we were up much too late last night (and the kids were up WAY past their bedtime!) I am letting them all sleep in this morning. It is so peaceful and quiet around here right now. Not that it isn't ever peaceful in our home, it is just moreso today. Usually I have one child begging for food, the other getting upset because I won't let him turn on the idiot box, the dog barking and waking the Sunday sleepers and Darling half-asleep at the table sipping coffee. Today the dog is waking the Sunday sleepers, I ate, got my clothes ready for church, sorted through my music for mass (I play in the guitar group. No, not the guitar. The flute.). I am now sipping my tea in the last few minutes of solitude I will have for the day.

I just heard a door open. Two doors. Pitter patter, pitter patter (more like, THUD, THUD, THUD!). Here they come. Quiet time is over.

Soggy, wet and soaked

Wow, this is certainly quite a bit of rain we've had today! After not having rain for nearly three weeks ( I mean measurable rain, the kind I have to mop the floor for when the dog comes in) this just seems like overkill to me.

We need it, the grass and trees appreciate it. And I love rain. Love the smell right before it starts. Love how quiet it is outside because people seem to be aquaphobic. Love how cool and breezy it is, and how I want to stay in jammies and snuggle with my boys under the blankets. The dog just doesn't feel the same way. She cowers, refuses to go out until it is absolutely necessary and she is doing the pee-pee dance by the door, and then she hangs out under the bow window and won't come in, because she will get wet on the way to the door! ACK!

Poor Bugaboo is one sick little guy. I knew that after we went to the GI the other day and she suggested taking him OFF of the GFCF diet so that they could run tests (like crohn's, celiac, etc) that he would end up with a sinus or ear infection within a week. And it only took him four days. I know they will try to tell me there is no connection, but it seems awfully strange that when I took milk out of Bug Boy's diet that he suddenly stopped getting ear infections and throwing up, and when I took wheat out of Bugaboo's diet the same happened. Hmmmm...don't need a medical degree to figure out that one. And I think it is interesting that the first thing the MD gave me was a prescription to deal with the tummy stuff. Ugh.
The good news is that I can cut it all out again in about six weeks, the time that it will take for the tests to be scheduled, run and results interpreted.

They are STILL awake. The result of spending the past three days straight with their much-loved cousins and getting hyper-stimulated. And dozing off for five whopping minutes in the car, which is enough to keep them awake several hours past their bedtimes!!!

Friday Feast

Felt compelled, just 'cause I think it is cool:

Friday Feast

Appetizer
List 3 things you keep putting off.
1. Getting my hair cut
2. Seeing the Neuro (but I do finally have an appt, just gotta work on not rescheduling it!)
3. Working in the attic to fling and rearrange.

Soup
What do you feel is your greatest responsibility?
Taking care of my family and raising my children

Salad
If you could have starred in any movie, which one would you have wanted to be in and why?
My Fair Lady, as Eliza Doolittle. It is my favourite flick, and the reason I am in love with movies. Movie magic at its best. Romance without sappiness and flashy kissing. Ahhh....

Main Course
What is an expectation you had as a child about being an adult and, now that you are grown up, you realize you were wrong?
I thought that no one made any money, no one lived in a house bigger than mine, every family was huge and intact, everyone was kind. In other words, everyone in the world was an Irish Catholic. How refreshing to find out that the world was SOOOO different and full of amazing people from all walks of life. But it was also an eye-opener to find out how cruel and evil some people could be.

Dessert
When was the last time you had your car serviced?
In January; tires rotated, brakes adjusted, oil changed, inspection, etc. That was the minivan. For Darlings' vehicles: a few weeks ago when he worked on them in the garage.

Not much to say

I don't have much to share today, so I will leave you with this song:

Let It Be
(Lennon/McCartney)



~~~

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on till tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
A there will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
A there will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Mar-j 1…. I love potatoes more than any food ever 2. I love the smell right before it rains 3. I thought I'd have my Master's or Doctorate by now. Didn't know I was stopping for kids. 4. My middle name is Linda. So my name (Marjorie Linda) means beautiful pearl. Which may account for why I am so cloudy sometimes. 5. I procrastinate worse than Hamlet. 6. I am one of seven children and my mom had a total of 15 pregnancies. 7. My favorite color is green. Like plants. 8. I am very sensitive to smells and loud noises, so much so that I get very irritable. 9. I met my husband when I was dating his friend. 10. I really, really, REALLY don't like my hair touched. Even to have it cut. Even if Darling touches it. Even if the kids touch it. 11. I love dogs and don't ever want to be without one. 12. I love old movies. B&W. 13. I consider myself a geek. But geek is chic, so I am actually en vogue. So there. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Very late Wordless Wednesday

Kidless!

Not that I WANT to get rid of my kids, but I am lucky that my sister has off this week for Spring break (Delaware does everything a little differently) and volunteered to give us a night off. Then tomorrow I will give HER a night off. Maybe two nights. They were thinking of going to a B&B and I still owe her for taking the day off to go to the Developmental Pediatrician with me.

We have no idea what we are doing. I don't want to go out to dinner just for the sake of doing it, we do it often enough. We are looking into a ball game or a movie, we shall see. I don't want to just do something really random just because we don't have kids.

I am seriously thinking of making a special dinner (Mmmm...maybe filet mignon!) and then renting us a movie. We don't get to do THAT very often. And it is rarely quiet. But I will make him get his stuff ready for tomorrow before we sit to watch a movie, because I am soooooo sleeping in tomorrow!

No doubt I will still get up at 6:30, wait until 7 to call my sister and check on the kids. I am such a MOM!!!

Yet another article...

Oh no! There has been another Autism article in the paper, I know that everyone and their uncle will send me a copy of it, call me and tell me about it, etc. I happen to know (well, know of) the particlular family that participated in the article. I think these types of articles can help people demand better treatment for their children, but I also think they can be dangerous and give people false hope.

And then there is the guilt factor. Guilt that I am not draining my savings to pay for more intensive therapy. Guilt that I am sending him to a county program, when it seems like the people who are successful have sued the county to get individual services. I do agree that the more individual the services, the more progress can be made. But how do you work on social skills with a kid who doesn't ever get to be around other kids? It is a catch-22, to be sure.
But the worse guilt I have is hearing about how many people do chelation and it helps their child immensely, and I want nothing to do with it. I hear too many horror stories. Might just be media sensationalism, but I am not taking the chance with my kid. Bugaboo is happy, loved and functions ok. He isn't a lab rat, he isn't here to be cured. Part of me wonders if I should just accept him the way he is and stop trying to find things to cure him. God made him the way he is, after all.

But then the little voice in my head says, "NO! He is worth more than that! He has more potential than that! Don't let him slip away!" I can look into his eyes, and hear his little voice tell me not to give up on him. And I don't want to.

The Autism World can be so political. There are many camps, many treatments, many people who claim that XYZ treatment will help/cure/alter your child. They make you feel so guilty, like a bad parent. Like up until this point you have done something wrong! Either you aren't training him appropriately, or you aren't feeding him right, or you haven't done this behavior mod, or you haven't taken him for $100 an hour therapy for intensive OT. Most of which can be done IN YOUR OWN HOME. And then I have to consider his diagnosis of severe ADHD (on top of the Autism) and wonder if by denying him medications to control his out-of-control brain, I am denying him the possibility of looking into my eyes, pointing to a picture or saying his ABCs.

The only thing that resonates with me so far is Floortime. It is a model developed by Dr. Stanley Greenspan and others. It works with a child in their natural environment, playing with their toys, with their parents. It is very intense, but you can go to trainings (which cost about $250, but the cheapest, by far!). And, it doesn't involved doing anything special except turning off the TV or computer and spending quality time with your kid. Not that I don't do that, but I think I can change the way I interact with him and get more affect out of him. And Bug Boy is doing so well with that kind of interaction. I don't know if he is "growing out of PDD" or just improving on his skills, but he is set to go to a typical Kindergarten next year, with minimal support. That is progress! Do I think Bugaboo with be ready for that in two years? I don't know, but I am not going to quit trying. He has already come so far!

Blah, Blah, Blah Blog

I managed to get to the gym to work out, the kids stayed in babysitting (thank goodness for that!). I think that because Bug Boy was off from school today, Bugaboo was a little more willing to be there. And they were outside, which was WONDERFUL. The child care people are very nice during the day, and Bugaboo has bonded with one of them (and has manipulated her into picking him up the whole time I am gone). So perhaps when he has off from school for now on, I will still get to work out!
I didn't get there all last week. He was in a MOOD, to say the least. Cranky, whiney, destructive, refusing to communicate at all. I know he is out of sorts due to the break, and i cannot wait until he goes back! I wanted to enjoy and savor these moments while he had off from school, but he is missing so much therapy and structure that I feel so badly for him. Isn't it sad that I can't duplicate it enough to make him feel more comfortable at home? At least it just goes to show everyone that he is so much more aware than we realize. He can be a smart cookie.
I feel so, well, blah. Double and triple blah. Don't wanna move, make phone calls, do anything. I have things I should get done, but nothing really pressing. Just need to do room rescues and reboot laundry. The house is in great shape since I did my WHB Saturday. I kept reassuring myself that I can be a little lazy today. And this is after I found out that i gained three pounds back after losing one, the result of not going to the gym for a week and pigging out on stuff I don't need. And drinking more tea and less water. Ugh. I feel like I will never get there. I mean, I know everyone tells me I look fine, I am thin, blah, blah, blah. But I know I am not in the best possible shape I can be in. That is all I want. To stop comfort eating and to work out regularly enough that my body doesn't turn to jelly.
Aunt Flo is clearly coming for a visit in the near future. No wonder I have such a bad attitude today! But I refuse to use that as an excuse, perhaps just a REASON for my bitchiness. So there.