Thursday, September 28, 2006


Here's a great song. Ten points if you can guess the correct artist. If you win I will send you one gumdrop in the mail, parcel post. Can't guarantee it won't have been licked, though:

There's nothing I hate more then nothing.
Nothing keeps me up all night.
I toss and turn over nothing.
Nothing could cause a great BIG fight.

I know she meant something else about the word nothing but I like that particular part of the song because I often say there is nothing bothering me. Weeeeellll, OK! If nothing is bothering you then why can't you sleep? Why do you stare at the ceiling in the dark trying to remember and then forget and then remember and forget everything you have to remember?

Part of my problem is that I have a brain that works at warp speed. Most days so does my body. I just cannot slow it down. Nothing helps. Until I took an antidepressant about a year ago. I couldn't believe the difference. But now I hate the way it makes me feel! So I am not taking it anymore. I hate not feeling anything.

Of course, until I get used to sleeping on my own and feeling on my own I will have to deal with the sleeplessness. And I have to use my own devices to deal with things, you know, like coping mechanisms?

I can do this. I can eat better and get exercise and get more sleep and keep going to parent groups. I can also keep doing leisure activities to keep me sane. I can do this.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

This is a public service announcement

We interrupt the regularly scheduled program to bring you the following:

Marj is mad as hell and ain't gonna take it anymore! Now, don't ask what Marj is angry about, 'cause she doesn't really know. She just feels angry and pessimistic and has a very low tolerance for anything at this particular moment in time.

It could be that she just wants to give up because things are quite difficult in her life. It could be because her kids are driving her crazy because they are faaaarrrrr from typical. It could be because her husband called her at 6pm on one of the most difficult days she has ever had to say he was late (no shiat!) and that he wouldn't be home until late(8pm). And then he had the audacity to come home and say, "By the way. There is a very good chance I have to go away tomorrow or Thursday for two days. They need help in California and no one else really wants to go last minute." It could be because that means he will not be home to participate in the Cure Autism Now walk that she is participating in that he wanted to get out of anyway. It could be because Marj has to take Bug Boy for an EMG today and she is worried about it. It could be because yesterday Bugaboo refused to communicate during therapy and did quite a bit of crying and whining and we really got nowhere fast, except exhausted. It could be because Bugaboo is giving us a difficult time with taking his medicine. It could be because She has gained weight and hasn't had much time to do anything for herself since there have been multiple doctor's appointments the past few weeks. It could be because she needs a vacation to Hawaii. It could be because she is referring to herself in the third person and that is really scary 'cause it's all Hannibal-Lector-scary-transvestite-serial-killer-in-Silence-of-The-Lambs-it-puts-the-lotion-on-itself-or-else-it-gets-the-hose-again-like.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

(The management wishes to apologize for the earlier tirade and wants it to be known that in no way, shape or form is the management responsible for the pre-menstrual psychosis of the afore-mentioned soliloquy. So there.)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Toddler Fashion

Sounds screwy, and I know there are more important things in life, but I pay close attention to what my children wear. If we are just home on a Saturday morning lounging and reading books then sweats and tees are ok. But for school I prefer to dress them in comfortable, casual but decent-looking clothes. There is a method to my madness. Allow me to explain.

My mother may not have had tons of money and resources but she always made sure we had a few new outfits and new shoes. I never had to wear hand-me-down shoes. Most of my clothing came from a cousin or sister but the shoes were always new. Mostly because we beat the heck out of them since we only had two pairs, one for church and one for school. Play? Well, barefoot, mostly. I never really wore sneakers. And, if I did get a pair, I shared them with my brother for soccer and they were a size bigger than I needed so we could wear them longer. And they were always ordered from the SEARS catalog, along with our clothing, toys, electronics, you name it. I used to love going with my mom to the catalog store and getting the slip from the lady and then walking up and down the aisles looking for G-14 , A-6 or the large stuff in aisle J. There were usually four or five of us running around, Dad browsing scratch-and-dent for a couch or washer (we went through washers like Kleenex). It was a family event.

I was never at the height of fashion but I was dressed ok. Clean clothes, few stains, tears if they were in style. I never tried to be fancy. Darling doesn't try to be fancy, either. He does like to buy nice clothes for work to look his part (Associate Director, thankyouverymuch). He grew up dirt-poor, thrice-divorced parents, wore the same five "98 Hot Hits" tee shirts to school every day and kids teased him for it. So we try to make sure the boys are presentable and clean on a budget.

It may seem silly to some to dress the boys the way we do. I scour the consignment stores and thrift stores for GAP, Children's Place, Ralph Lauren and any European clothes I can find. Usually I get everything for under five dollars and in new or next-to-new condition. I do the same for me. I get Ralph Lauren Saturday on E-bay. And everything else I can't find in consignment I get at Old Navy or Target. Members of my family would never DREAM in putting their children in used clothing, but I can get my kids fully outfitted (minus shoes and socks, I always buy those new, unless I find a pair in GOOD condition) at a consignment store for $75 or less, including church clothes and a coat, when I can find them.

Why does it matter that I dress my kids this way when their peers are wearing sweats and tee shirts to school? I believe in dressing for success. Collared shirts and pants or jeans are more presentable. Gym pants are ok with sneakers on gym day but that is it. Not that I am always at the height of fashion.

My main purpose for doing this is because I feel that if I can dress my kids more "typically" then they will be treated as such. I worked with children with special needs in the past and sometimes their parents sent them in to school dressed for bed, in tattered clothes, in clothes that were ill-fitting or outdated. It shouldn't matter what they wear but I feel they were treated differently as a result. I also felt that their parents could have cared less what they wore since they were the "retarded kid" or the "autistic kid" and everyone expected them to have lower status anyway. I dress my kids in play clothes but they are always clean and neat. And if they get horrible stains or tears I do not allow them to wear them again. I do not want anyone looking at my child and thinking less of them or me because of the way they dress.

It may sound superficial and materialistic but I do not care. The reasoning behind it is clear and simple. I just want them to be treated fairly and not singled out. Dressing them like "special kids" will only add yet another stigma to them, you know?

Ok, go ahead and leave me comments and tell me how crazy I am for this...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Audrey Hepburn Movies

I love classic films. Give me black and white anyday over some of the movies made today. I love the simple sets and special effects, the attractive landscapes, the beautiful costumes and the witty banter. One of my favorite actresses is Audrey Hepburn. I thought I'd take a moment to review a few of her movies, in chronological order:

Roman Holiday (1953): This has to be one of the cutest movies I've ever seen! Audrey Hepburn stars as a bored princess (Ann) who decides to escape palace life to get a taste of what is outside the walls. She meets Gregory Peck (MEOW!), a journalist who befriends her and is out for the next scoop. A sweet little romance develops between them before the Princess has to return to her duties. Some neat scenes on a scooter touring Rome, great views of famous places. I love the fountain scene.

Funny Face (1957): A goofy movie in which Audrey turns from a shy, bookish shop girl into a Paris Model. She meets a photographer (Fred Astaire) when he does a photo shoot in her book shop and he thinks she is the next "it" face. He talks her into going to Paris to do modeling and she figures it is the only way she will get to see her beatnik hero. Dick (Astaire) doesn't count on falling in love with her. Look for great fashions from Givenchy and Gershwin music. I'm not crazy about the plot but it IS Audrey Hepburn so it is worth watching. Plus, The clothes are amazing. Have you see the new GAP commercial? Stolen from this movie!

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961): If you haven't seen this, stop reading at once and go rent it. Go home and watch it. Don't eat popcorn as you might choke while watching this. Audrey is Holly Golightly, a New York Socialite who becomes interested in a young man (George Prepard) in her building. She works as a high-priced escourt and he is being "kept" by a wealthy older woman. She is searching for an rich, older man to marry and he wants to become a writer. Guess what? They fall in love! I love how quirky and sweet she is in this film. I also love that she names her cat, well, Cat. And that the climax of the film occurs in the POURING rain. Very old-school Hollywood! Once again she wears some super fashions, has adorable hair and flashes that Audrey Smile. The film in which I became a devoted fan. Look for Mickey Rooney as an Asian man in her apartment. You will also see Buddy Ebsen.

My Fair Lady (1964): I reviewed this one in a previous post, but since it is my favorite film of all time I reserve the right be be repetive. I cannot get enough of her in this film. From the smudges on her face in the beginning to the gorgeous ballroom gown she wears to the embassy ball, this was what I dreamed of as a little girl. Yes, I wanted to be Eliza. I can sing every song (poorly). I've read "Pygmalion" (the George Bernard Shaw play that this musical is based on) at least a hundred times. Rex Harrison was an interesting choice for Professor Higgins since he can't sing a note and it is a musical, but he was perfect. Audrey caused a stir when she was chosen for the role and not America's Darling Julie Andrews (who is British, mind you). They ended up dubbing her singing over in the end even though she trained with a voice coach!

Robin and Marian (1976): By this point in her career Audrey was raising children and staying out of Hollywood for the most part. She teamed up with Sean Connery for this chapter in the Robin Hood stories in which Robin returns from the crusades an old man and searches for and re-teams with some of his merry men. Kinda hokey but still cute. Not enough of Audrey in this film. But you will see Richard Harris and Denholm Elliott.

Always (1989): This was Audrey's last film before she passed away and she is only in a few scenes, but she is phenomenal anyway. This is a cute film with Richard Dreyfuss as a fire-fighting pilot who dies and comes back to make sure his lover moves on with her life. Holly Hunter, John Goodman and Marg Helgenberger (CSI) also star. Audrey is Hap, the angel that helps Richard Dreyfuss figure out how to get to his final destination.

A few other Audrey Films that stand out but I haven't seen enough times to review properly are The Unforgiven, Charade, How to Steal a Million and Two for the Road. I think she is good in everything, although I thought The Unforgiven was AWFUL!!!! Nuff said.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Landau-Kleffner Syndrome

We took our monthly trek to duPont yesterday and spent the customary five hours there. Bug Boy insisted on ordering the "kids meal" of chicken nuggets and fries, what a healthy lunch! I was glad we ate there, since we didn't leave until well after two o'clock and I had only packed snacks.

The Neurologist is fairly confident that Landau Kleffner Syndrome is what ails Bugaboo. There is no real cause and no real cure. Some kids get it before age 5 and lose the speech skills they have, often becoming aphasic once the seizures set in. Sometimes, with medication and therapy, the kids regain some of their skills. There is a good chance this will happen with Bugaboo. Most of the children diagnosed with it grow out of it. But we have no way of knowing if he has already suffered significant brain damage and cannot recover. It is so scary and confusing! And, on top of that, if he truly has this disorder it means that all of the doctors who have told me for the past two years that Bugaboo does not have autism would be right. But I feel he does. Even if he developed the seizures when we thought he did (twenty-months or so, around the time he stopped sleeping at night!) he was still a "different" kid before that. I mean, a quiet baby. Almost too quiet. And he was happy and content, but was never all there, you know? Always off on his own little planet with the happiest smile on his face. A little angel. Except for when he does his whirling dervish impersonation and destroys my house.

So the plan is to continue with meds and keep at that for three more months. Then we do a repeat EEG to see where we are, then try steroids if we have to. We have to get that brain calmed down!!!!

Bug Boy also saw the Neuro. They don't think he has this disorder but are doing some other tests because the doctor sees his spasticity and is concerned. He is going on six and is having bowel control and muscle problems. He has always had delayed motor skills. There is a chance he has a seizure disorder, has some mild (very, very mild) CP due to the cord around his neck and blueness at birth (although he SCREAMED for hours after he was born!). He was always over-stimulated easily and was spastic as a baby, so this would make sense. They will do an EMG (muscle stim test) to rule that out and also an MRI to rule out Muscular Dystrophy and other things. I don't even want to think about this until the tests are done. We won't know much until December. Hopefully overtaking will be fine and we won't have that hanging over our heads for their birthdays and Christmas!

Darling and I are slowly recovering from out recent sicknesses. I still have no energy and hope to make it back to the gym by Monday. It will be three full weeks since I have been back and I feel like a total blob. If I don't work out regularly I go nuts. I need the physical outlet! Hope the exercise clothes fit, doesn't seem like they will right now!

Okey-dokey. Time to get Ms. Procrastination in the shower and get the house picked up before the deluge of children arrives. Not until 3:30 but I still have errands to do!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Movie Buff

Move over Siskel and Ebert. Or Ebert and Roper. Or Gene Shallot. What EVAR!!!! Marj is in the hoooooooouse! Marj is also dellusional after five days of fever and an antibiotic that she is allergic to, but that is a different story for a different day.

I have a tendency to look at the bright side of things, and ask Dino Boy's mom, (UPDATE YOUR BLOG!!!) I can be a little overly positive about things. (Autism is GOOD for my kids! It makes them unique! And Bugaboo's delayed speech is good 'cause Bug Boy talks enough for THREE people and I need a break anyhow!). I digress. Anywho, It is good that I have been housebound since last Tuesday because I have been able to watch movies at my leisure. Even though changing the channel still takes to much effort.

I come from a family full of movie buffs. We like our electronics and DVD collections (wonder where the kids get it?) although these days I have barely enough time to pee solo, let alone watch an actual film. I despise the theater, mostly because I have to pee every ten seconds and ain't payin' my life's savings and promising my first born son just to get up and miss half the movie. One toilet in the 16-plex? PUHLEASE!!!! So, VCRs, DVDs, on Demand, it's for me! And when I watch movies with my sisters we sit and quote the entire thing and drive our husbands crazy. You know, our own version of MST3K? And we know way too much about movie trivia and can totally kick ass with six degrees of Kevin Bacon. DUDE, we rock at it!

What was my point again? Oh yeah!!! The movies! I have decided to enlighten my audience with a few picks each week so that y'all can see where my warped brain comes from.

Muriel's Wedding: What's not to like? Toni Collette before she lost too much weight, her natural red hair and plenty of pure talent. Her character (Muriel/Mariel) is so delusional in this film it is almost comedic. She listens to Abba, steals money from her father (who embezzled it or something) and dreams of the perfect wedding. Gotta love that she finally gets a grip at the end. One of the reasons I love Australian Films. Look for Rachel Griffiths (Six Feet Under? Or some other show I haven't seen).

Amelie (Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le) : This has to be one of the cutest movies I have ever seen in my life. Seeing a trend? Quirky foreign films? Anywho, Audrey Tautou before she was in that dreadful movie with Tom Hanks (haven't seen it, know I don't wanna 'cause they should never make books into movies). She is this painfully shy coffee shop girl who fancies herself a matchmaker. Her father doesn't pay much attention to her and thinks of nothing else but his garden and some beloved gnome. So what does she do? Steals it and sends it on vacation with a stewardess friend of hers who mails home postcards from each location to her grieving father. It is a scream. Then there is the guy she eventually falls in love with who collects photos from those photostrip booths in the mall and train station. Bizarre. But totally worth watching if you can deal with subtitles.

Pride and Prejudice: Many, many, many versions. Yes, I know, it is from a book. But, I cannot get enough of the films, either. Love my classics, Bronte sisters, Jane Austen. Ok, so here is the run down:
1940 - Greer Garson as Elizabeth Bennet. Theyy really talked fast back then! But it was still good, albeit somewhat overly acted. Loved the costumes, fake scenery and the mansions they used.
1980 (tv): Caught this on PBS and it was pretty good. I thought the acting was much better than the 1940s version and Elizabeth was much more, well, plain in this version.
1995: OMG! The best version evar. Honest. It was a tv series by A&E and I had the tapes until they got eaten by our old VCR. Colin Firth as Darcy (HOTTIE! BABE!) and Jennifer Ehle as Elizabeth, the best one out of all of the versions I have seen. I love that they stayed true to the books of the time and did NO KISSING!!! We didn't even see hugs. The way it SHOULD be. Build up that sexual tension and leave the rest to our imaginations!
2003: Pride and Prejudice, a Latter-Day Comedy. Yes, theMormonn version, brought up to modern times. Elizabeth Bennet is played by Kam Heskin, a college student who reluctantly falls for a rich publisher (Orlando Seale). There are some LDS references in there (Latter-Day Saints, not the Drug LSD) but it is cute and quirky. If you can get past the fact that they rearranged the end to make the plot make sense, it is worth catching on Encore some Sunday afternoon.
2004: Bride and Prejudice. This is the Bollywood version of the story. Very cute, great actresses from India and filmed there as well, except for the scenes where they travel to England and America for family weddings and such. I love that they never kiss in Bollywood, either. And the singing and dancing is first-rate. Love these Bollywood films! Look for Naveen Andrews as Bingley (you know, from Lost?).
2005: I have to tell you I was horribly disappointed in this version. It was still a good film, but Keira Knightly is just too pretty and skinny for Elizabeth. And as much as I like Jena Malone, she was too childish and snotty for Lydia. Lydia is supposed to be silly, not snotty! The actresses were far too pretty. The scenery was ok, the costumes were ok, but I just felt like they tried too hard to make the overly-pretty Bennett girls look homely in plain-Jane colors. I know they were supposed to be "poor" (ha!). I just didn't like this one as much. The musical score was AMAZING and Matthew McFaden made a good Darcy. But Donald Sutherland as Mr. Bennet was a but of a stretch. Sorry, couldn't get into Hawkeye as their Dad. But the rest of the cast was good! Honest!

My Fair Lady: I love musicals and love Audry Hepburn. For me this is the perfect combination. I can sing every song, know every scene and can repeat the dialogue for the whole movie. Yes, kinda taken from a book. But well done! Love the dress Audrey wears in the ball scene. She looks like a princess. Did you know that Audrey originally sang it herself and they dubbed in a different woman's voice?

Moonstruck: I can watch this one sixty times over without getting bored. Normally I despise Nicholas Cage, but I love Cher, so it cancels out. You know, like vinegar and baking soda neutralizes and you can make water? Sort of. This film isspicyy, salty, sweet and everything in between. It makes me wanna eat. It also reminds me of my sister's in-laws who are from Italy. This is a superb all-star cast, has Opera References (La Boheme! One of my favs!) and the pace of the dialogue keeps me intrigued. One of my favorite parts, "When I lost my hand, I lost my pride! Johnny's got his hand, Johnny's got his pride! What am I supposed to do, take my heartbreak and forget it?" Classic.

I'll stop there. I may get brave and do an entry with Quentin Tarrantino films or even Kevin Smith. Heck, I might even give you the Jane Eyre rundown (seen most versions of that, too!). Tune in another time.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Is it Wednesday already?

I know it's Thursday, silly! I've been sick the past two days, today ain't much better. Achy, feverish, sore throat, tummy trouble. I hate the flu. I know it is early in the season, but I usualyl get something as soon as school starts. My first year working in schools I had strept throat 6 times.

I was supposed to do Coffee with Chaotic Mom but that ain't happening. She had a rough night with her little guy anyway. And the thought or smell of coffee is enough to send me heaving anyway. I tried to eat something last night and it was NOT GOOD! So Darling bought me a milkshake for dinner, which I managed to get down. Yummy! And sooooo nutritious.

I'm happy the boys are at school today. Bugaboo was acting kinda sick yesterday, I was relieved when he was back to his ole self this morning. I need the morning to park my behind on the couch.

Dont' ask about the bunny pic. I ain't thinking such coherant thoughts today.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

What is WRONG with me????

I just put my babies on the buses for the third day. I cannot believe how much I miss them already! What in the heck is wrong with me?

I should be doing my best Tom-Cruise-in-Risky-Business-Routine and dancing around the house, elated that I have the whole place to myself for four to five hours a day! I should be getting my routines done and running errands. I should be relishing the solace and peace that I am finding here.

Instead I am watching the clock and waiting for the first bus to arrive home. I cannot wait to hug and kiss my boys. I cannot wait to read about their day.

Ever since I could feel them swimming around in my belly, tap dancing on my bladder and playing soccer with my ribs, I have felt a very strong connection to them. I almost feel that my heart beats in synch with theirs, that my breathing matches their own. I cannot think of a better way to start my day than to see my boys smile at me after they run the sleep out of their eyes and yawn. I cannot think of a better way to finish my day than to tuck them into to bed and kiss their cheeks or foreheads and to peek in on them an hour later and put them back in bed (they often fall asleep on the floor) and steal one more kiss.

I am as stressed out as any mom. My boys are TONS of work. Even if they didn't have special needs I'd look forward to them going to bed or school. But I enjoy my job as a mom more than anything else I do. I love the fact that I am raising adults. And I almost wish I could do it with one more. Almost!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Meet the teachers

Back to school night was last night. It was the usual thing, twice as many parents as seats, crammed into those teeny chairs. The teacher talked a little about classroom procedures and schedules and gave us a packet full of information that most people probably won't read. But then she started talking about the academic portion of the evening. Darling and I commented later about how different Kindergarten is these days!

When we were in Kindergarten there was mostly play, some art projects, some playground time, snack time and then nap time. Nowadays kids are expected to be reading and writing and doing some arithmetic by the time they progress to second grade. Keep in mind that Kindergarten is not mandatory in our Commonwealth. The school district can basically set their own curriculum and decide what they will focus on. Some districts make it first grade part one, which is TOTALLY inappropriate from a developmental standpoint. Children at this age are in school to learn to socialize, to get used to rules and routines and to get a basic foundation and understanding of learning. These days districts are so concerned about the almighty dollar that they push things so early in order to ensure more children pass the standardized tests that often predict what type of funding they will receive from the state or federal level.

I am happy with our district and think that Bug Boy can handle it. He is fairly bright. He reads on a first grade level, knows his addition and subtraction facts, taught himself roman numerals and is teaching himself multiplication. He has an interest in foreign languages and geography. He has that hunger for learning that I had as a child. His area of focus (for me) are the socialization and emotional components that are essential in higher grades. He tends to lag in fine motor skills so coloring and cutting and the like are going to be even more important for him.

Bug Boy is staying for an extended day and has an enrichment/extra support class in the afternoons. His afternoon teacher is wonderful and we feel great about their expectations for him. We were able to walk around both rooms and look at his artwork and were able to pick it out without names due to the fact that we know our son exclusively uses red crayons and we know how he draws faces. He also made a paper doll of himself, complete with hair, and remembered to put the blonde streak in on his doll! So even his doll has piebaldism. Very cute!

I can finally let out the breath I've been holding for months and Darling and I now breathe a collective sigh of relief. Bug Boy has come a long way from the anxious and frightened preschooler he was. He even told me he doesn't need his headphones at school anymore! That in itself is a miracle!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Never Forget or Never Remember?

Today started out like any other. We hit the snooze button too many times, I quickly woke the kids, threw on the tea water, put the weather on and ironed DH's clothes. Except instead of the weather report I was expecting, there it was: Coverage of the fifth anniversary of 9/11.

Now, I am a somewhat patriotic person. I fly my flags, know the anthem and other songs by heart (more than one verse!), wear the red, white and blue like anyone else. I sat glued to my television for days after that tragic day. I watched those towers fall over and over, watched the Pentagon burned, watched a farm in rural PA with plan carnage smoke from a big hole in the ground. I lived it over and over, cried over and over, watched the celebrity telethon, donated money. I prayed in church for hours. I cried in church when we sang, "Let there be Peace on Earth" and "How Great Thou Art." I took part in remembrance celebrations a year later.

This is different. I have had time to heal and reflect. I've had time to move on. I understand that the families who lost their loved ones on that fateful day cannot move on and forget. But I need to. I need to observe this day quietly. I don't want the man at the grocery store asking me what I was doing at that precise time (I was walking Baby Bug, now Bug Boy, and my toddler niece on the nicest day I could ever remember! I remember thinking how GORGEOUS and how awesome it was and thinking that God has truly blessed me with that day!). I don't want the lady at the gym saying over and over, "So, did you watch it? Remember when this happened? Remember when that happened?" I don't want to watch controversial ABC dramas that may or may not skew the facts. I don't want to go to movie theaters and pay money to people who are making money off of other people's pain. What I want to do is pray, reflect and enjoy. Yes! Enjoy! Enjoy the fact that God chose to make this a cool almost-fall day. Enjoy that today my baby is getting on the bus and riding an hour to his new school! Enjoy that tonight is back-to-school night at Bug Boy's school and DH is finally going to meet his teachers. Enjoy that I have the whole day to myself and can read, go to the gym, eat a lunch SITTING DOWN and get my errands done in less than two hours instead of the usual four!

I support our troops, I remember our veterans. I observe a moment of silence and say a prayer on days like Veterans Day, Memorial Day and D-Day. I appreciate that brave men and women sacrificed their lives for my freedom. I pray for our troops overseas. I pray for World Peace. I pray for our President and wish he could see things the way I do. I pray for former presidents and wish they didn't do the things they did that helped create the world we live in.

Today? Today I want to pray and then forget. I don't want to watch those towers coming down, the papers fluttering to the ground, the people jumping so they die on their own terms instead of burning to death. I want to continue to heal. I can't do it with these constant reminders. Every baseball game, football game, soccer game, NASCAR event and televised event has to do their little remembrance. Even at church yesterday we sang songs in honor of that day. I know that may be other people's ways to heal but for me it is sticking the sword in further and twisting it. The pain is still too much for me.

I plan on keeping the tv off. I plan on staying distracted. I am not turning the radio on and will listen to CDs instead. I won't read the paper or listen to or watch the news. And when Darling insists on watching the end of that horrid movie he watched last night I will be upstairs folding laundry or watching makeover shows. And then I will forget until next year. I will pray but I need to forget.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Guilty by Word Association

Don't usually like meme's, but this one is kinda fun. I've been tagged by Heather, so here it goes:

Hilarity - Ensues

Faith - of Our Fathers

Chocolate - Dark!

Crayons - Wax

Book - Club

Ok. My five words are: Chicken, walk, brain, unique, sex. So, Crissie and Nancy, get to work! Tag, you are it!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Weird, Wild Stuff

Tomorrow is our little borough's annual Yard Sale. It is a HUGE event in this town. Just about every house in town puts a table out. Some residents go to the extremes, hoarding miscellaneous items in their garages or on their porches starting the day after the previous year's yard sale. There are people that drive around town on trash nights and pick through our trash, collecting treasures. You know the ole adage, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Well, nowhere else does it ring truer.

It is almost obsessive in some ways. I mean, this school district ain't cheap, even in our teeny little pocket. We are surrounded on all four sides of our four-by-four block neighborhood by another school district. And the taxes for even our "lower-class-status-than-the-richy-posh-types" are still enough to make your eyes bulge. So, people here have to have a little moolah to move here (or spend way beyond their means to live here). Why the trash-picking?

I think I have figured it out just by people watching in the evening. I hate to say this but people here are a little greener than in other areas of our county. There are more lawyers and doctors and ivy-league types in this district than there are what I'd consider "normal" people. I am not knocking people's choices or their personalities, but as a friend of mine once put it, everyone that lives here is "unique." Where I grew up that meant weird.

We recycle like crazy, compost, yard sale, regift, you name it. People here like to save money and feel good about saving the environment. My brother calls them hippies. Perhaps, but I feel better knowing that the crap that I throw out can sometimes be reused. And the stuff I sell? Well, last year a few friends set up with me and we all raised money for charity. I've done yard sales in the past and made a few hundred. A far cry from those home organization shows where people clear $1500 in a fancy-schmancy yard sale in the L.A. area, people spending $200 for gaudy lamps and paintings of fruit. Sheesh. But, it is fun. There is a large turnout, interesting things to see, neighbors all walking the streets chatting and laughing. We meet new people, cringe when the weirdos try to barter us down from 25 cents to a dime and trade little items. Hey, we got a VCR/TV combo for 15 bucks to replace the one Bugaboo pushed onto the floor. So, it isn't all crap.

Just the stuff I am putting out tomorrow. Can't wait to see who considers it treasure!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Who is This Murphy Guy and What's the Deal With This Law?

You know that ole saying, "Murphy's Law?"

It really ticks me off. The guy who came up with it oughta be strung up by his toenails and then tickled silly.

So Bugaboo decided to sleep last evening. We kept him up, fed him well, gave him his meds and it took him all of five minutes to fall asleep. Keeping him up a little later (8:30 or so) seemed to work, he is still asleep! It is 7am! So, if he is only going to sleep 8-9 hours, I know that I now have to put him to bed after 8:30.

I know you are asking, "What about Murphy's Law? You referenced it in your title!"


The past few days I've been fighting migraines. The weather is not helping the cause. Between my Gosh-awful allergies, Darling cutting the grass (Repeatedly. Ever see Forest Gump?) my changing clothes over in the dusty attic and the fact that Aunt Flo is here the very week I don't wanna see her, My head has been about to asplode for days. Last evening it came to a head. I was supposed to iron Darling's clothing for the week while he packed lunches. I camped out on the couch for a few minutes after Bugaboo went to bed and we both started to doze off watching college football. By then my head was pounding so I took something and we went to bed. No ironing. Heck, we didn't even brush teeth (EEEWWWW!!!) and Darling didn't take his contacts out (Bad!).

Scene: Master Bedroom,Two-in-the-morning. M-j tosses and turns in bed. Her head is throbbing. Her husband kicks her in the shin because she woke him up, accidentally, of course. The dog gets up, moves across the room, and grunts loudly as she settles down in the same exact spot she left. Snoring is heard in the other room. By some miracle the boys are still asleep. M-j quietly tip-toes downstairs and retrieves her bean bag hot pack, nuking it quickly. She returns to bed a few minutes later and tries to get comfortable again. The throbbing persists. She goes downstairs and nukes the hotpack once more. Retiring to the couch in the Living Room (best nap couch. EVAR.) she once again attempts to relax and doze off. After two hours and several trips to the microwave, M-j gives in to the voices in her head (what, you don't hear them?) and takes more headache medicine, knowing full well there will be a stomach ache to deal with in the morning. She gets the hand massager and hotpack and settles back onto the couch, the dog is suddenly at her side trying to comfort her. After another hour of massaging, hotpacks and repositioning, M-j finally dozes off. Only to be awakened by the neighbor starting his car and leaving for work (stinking Dodge Trucks are SO LOUD!). She creeps slowly up to bed and realizes the headache is now a dull throb. Thank goodness! M-j sneaks back under the covers, the dog plops down in her spot and they all drift back to sleep until...

"Is she really goin' out with him...Is she really gonna take him home tonight? Is she really going' out with him..."

The alarm goes off. Darling looks at me and hits the snooze button. He tells me I need a few minutes more. Nice try, honey.

Nine minutes later, " And the Southbound lanes of Route 30 are jammed solid from..." Another snooze button.

Nine more minutes. " Laser Eye Center. Make us your first choice..." Ok, I'm up, I'm up! SHEESH!

So, I managed to get around five hours of sleep last night, which is more than I have gotten the past two weeks. It figures. He sleeps through the night and I wake up for hours. And Bugaboo is STILL asleep.

Dang Murphy's Law!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Updates on stuff

I love my hair.

I am ready for the boys to go back to school.

I am itching to get to the gym, since Bugaboo hates the babysitting there I haven't gone much in the past two weeks.

My sister and SIL have visited us this week with their children. Not at the same time. I've been surrounded by toddlers.

Our basement was getting damp, Darling figured out what was wrong and it no longer seeps. But we have to fix a sink hole under our deck ASAP so we don't start getting water in the basement.

I watched the neighbor's kids a few times and it went well. I will be watching them everyday after school for 2-3 hours. A pretty good job.

We finally locked the computer in a cabinet and Bugaboo can't get to it. The only thing that shows is the monitor! My LR is now a Music Room, with a couch from a friend (thanks tracy!) and our piano, plus my flute, two recorders and a guitar. The guitar I need to learn.

I have been decluttering again and it is looking great around here! I even got Darling into the action and we cleaned up the utility part of the basement and it is much better organized. I also have a heap of stuff to go the the borough Yard Sale next weekend. Now to get to the boys' closets and the closet where I keep the holiday stuff. The bane of my existence.

I wipe the two picture windows and slider EVERY DAY and there are greasy little finger prints all over it an hour after I wipe it. Bugaboo loves to get in the window on the window seat and look out at the trees. He also licks the window. Don't ask.

I hate doing dishes. We cleared the dishes last night but I forgot about the pan I cooked fish in. This morning my house totally STUNK of fish. It still kinda does. We cracked the windows and have the simmer thingy going. I do not like it when my house smells like food. That is why I grill outside three-hundred-sixty-five days a year.

Darling has been off all week. We were supposed to go to the cabin. We stayed home because we were anticipating Bugaboo having night terrors and had nothing up there to calm him in the middle of the night if that should happen. So we spent the week just doing whatever/whenever and it was really nice. A vacation in our own home. Tons of family time. Just what we needed! We are both quite relaxed. But Bugaboo and Bug Boy really need school and therapy. We are doing what we can but this week was a reminder of why they received therapy in the first place!

Bugaboo needs outside time. Like, all day. And this week is difficult for him, since it has been raining just about all week. I am glad we got playground time in here and there, he NEEDS it. Today he is crying and dragging us to the door. We are about to take a ride, he is very upset he can't go out in Lake Erie (my back yard!).

Friday, September 01, 2006

Beautiful morning at the playground

We managed to get in a great playdate this morning, and I met two more moms of kids with spectrum disorders. These kids went to camp with Bug Boy and Bugaboo and are about the same age. It went very well and they all had a blast. And Mommy was able to talk to people who know exactly what we are going through and we were all able to brainstorm and share ideas. Fabulous. Darling even came with us and played with the boys and helped me supervise Bugaboo so I could chat with the mommies. WOOHOO!

I like having playdates with people who know what I am going through. Bug Boy does better because he is less anxious around kids who act like him. It is like the pressure is off and he doesn't have to perform, he only has to be himself. And mommy isn't walking on egg shells, worried that he will offend someone or touch someone the wrong way, because they understand WHY he does such-and-such and when I correct him they don't look at me like I have three heads. We discovered today that we all use variations of 1-2-3 Magic with our kids. And we all use charts and reinforcements. I shared my carnival ticket schedule and reward system. They told me about things they do.

I know Bug Boy and Bugaboo have to play with "typical" kids, too. I know they need other kids around the learn social cues and what is appropriate. And, they need other kids that will teach them some lessons the hard way, like by excluding and saying mean things. Sounds harsh, but it is real life and my kids can't live in a protected bubble. Their non-typical friends help them with those lessons, too, just not in the same way. So, I think they gain the best of both words. I am all for inclusion and having my boys with "normal kids" but I feel very strongly that they need to be around kids like them, too. They need to be able to identify with someone and feel comfy. Don't we all?

These other mommies are also in a parent group that I am thinking of checking out. There are a few in our area, one is for more Asperger's-type disorders and that is ok, I could use some support for Bug Boy. But the other group is more geared towards the total spectrum. And Bugaboo-type kids. We shall see. Let's try to get Darling on board, too!!!