What is the world coming to?

I have to stop reading the news, especially when Aunt Flo is here for a visit!

I have been doing quite a bit of research as of late in order to educate myself upon making proper choices for our children. DH is more of a "read it and then give me a summary" kind of person, so it really does fall on me, although he does tend to talk to people at work with children with disabilities, and I appreciate that. So, as I have been reading books, websites and the like, I came across two articles recently that disturbed me to no end!

The first was about a little girl with Down's syndrome. One-year-old, mostly healthy (just the typical stuff) and sweet, judging from her picture. It seems her house burned down with her in it. The parents and older children got out, so did the family dog. The family vehicle was even moved from the driveway and the cell phone was grabbed off of the kitchen counter. But not the little girl from her crib. I haven't gotten many more details, but it smells fishy. And it turns my stomach. I pray for her and her family. I just really hope it was an accident!

The second one was about a family with an autistic three-year old girl named Katie McCarron. Same age as Bugaboo, give or take a few weeks. The husband has been living in another state for nearly two years with her and his parents (as caretakers) so that he may send her to the best possible school. They just moved back and reunited the mother and other child three months ago. And a week later, the mother, out of supposed frustration, took a ride with her daughter to get her to fall asleep (been there, done that!) and took her to the grandma's house, put a bag over her head, suffocated her, brought her back to the house and put her to bed, telling everyone that she fell asleep! And the worst part is, the police believed her until the next day when she OD'd on aspirin (took like, six pills) and barely slit her wrists, as she confessed to her husband.

The worst part is that people online are giving these parents nothing but sympathy. "they are under so much stress!" "They were in so much pain!"

GIMMEE A BREAK!!!! This makes me so angry! So, in other words, they are going to get away with it because their kid has a disability and so therefore their lives are more stressful than everyone else's. Their kid has a diagnosis, so therefore it makes them less worthy as a human being. Their lives can be prematurely snuffed out and it is ok, because their parents were stressed out and their children were damaged. So basically, that means that my children's lives aren't as important as other kids, since my kids may or may not become "productive members of society." This just makes me want to retch and vomit!

Sorry to be so emotional. But it hurts me to hear of such things. My children are precious and beautiful, gifts from God. I thank God for them every day (at about the same time I pray for a miracle, to hear my son's voice!). I have my ups and downs like every parent. I cry out of frustration, like every parent. And, my kids are naughty, like all other children. They push the boundaries, give us the "hairy eyeball" when they are reprimanded and throw temper tantrums. I have seen other kids in Tar-zhay do the same thing, and it makes me LAUGH, because then I know I am not the only one! It makes us normal!

So, I am sorry, but the best I can do for these parents is pray. Pray that they will repent and see the light. Pray that they know they made a mistake and did something that was not acceptable. Pray that God is as forgiving as I have been taught. But I cannot condone their actions. I do not feel sorry for them.

There is one more thing I can do. I can hug my children when they come home from school and appreciate that they have been given to me because I am the right mom for the job.

The confusing world of Autism

My head is spinning and I don't know which way to turn.

There are so many choices! TOO MANY CHOICES! I just don't know what to do. I have been reading and researching treatments, opinions, medications, behavior techniques, diets and the like for nearly two years. I still have not made any decisions. I cannot sort out what I have learned. I am afraid to try the wrong thing and too scared to sit back and lose more time.

For instance, the special diets (DAN! GFCF): Everything I have tried so far has not worked. He still gets belly aches, none of the tests are pointing to allergies or hernia, he doesn't have polyps and his bowels look fine. His behavior did not improve on or off of a diet. I tried some vitamin therapy and some detox. I felt like a fool after a year when nothing changed. In fact, he STOPPED talking. I have taken him to special docs and such for a while, no improvement. He has been seeing a chiro for three years, and although he enjoys it, it isn't going anywhere.

I know I am not buying the Mercury thing. I have been reading so much about it and it just doesn't make sense. If Mercury is the cause, why is it that my friends who do NOT vaccinate still have children with Autism? And, why is it that some kids who do chelation don't improve? I just don't think this is the route I want to go. I am not sure it is something that needs to be cured.

Neurodiversity: These people have a great mindset. Accept the kid the way they are. But is sitting back and letting things happen naturally going to make him fall so far behind we will never reach him? I am afraid to find out! I want to just accept him and move along, but it is so scary and surreal.

Behavior modification: Do his behaviors need to be changed or suppressed? Is it so bad that he flaps his hands and jumps up and down? Ok, the destructive stuff has to go (it is getting expensive) but do I need to do intense therapy with him 30+ hours a week, ignore the rest of the family and home and hope he improves?

Floortime: Sounds good on paper. I have read tons on it. I want to do the training ($$, as usual) but Darling isn't 100% convinced. But, is it too close to behavioral interventions? Is changing his behavior wrong?

Cure Autism Now: They have a good message, great research, very vocal, very involved. I signed up to do the walk and field a team. I even told my family about it. But now I am not certain I want to do it. I am not sure that Autism is something that needs to be cured, or if it can be cured. Call me a skeptic. I admit it. But I cannot support them if they want me to raise money for them so that they can do another study on mercury, thimerisol, etc. I know they do so much more, but I am having a very tough time deciding on this one.

Autism Society of America: They are coming across kinda negative to me. They keep talking about how hard it is, how it is torture, how difficult it is for the kids. Like it is a disease. Like it makes my sons' lives miserable. I will admit it, it is not tea and cakes on a daily basis. But my kids are HAPPY and healthy and love. Therefore they are WORTH having! I don't think of them as an epidemic or a mistake. I think of them as an expression of Darling and my love. And a gift from God (hence Bugaboo's name). That may not be their intention, but that is how I took it.

You see, most of the groups out there make you feel like you have to do tons of intervention, therapy, meds, mods, etc. "Your kids aren't normal. Your kids aren't typical. They need to be changed, they need help, they are miserable. " I don't feel that way! I want them to be happy and loved and to succeed the best way they can. They are loved by us and God, unconditionally. So why does everyone want them to be "OK?" Aren't they ok?

As you can see, I am having some very conflicting thoughts this weekend. Could be the "AF" hormones, could be sleep deprivation. Could also be me reading into things too much, and thinking too much. Bug Boy told us last night that his brain goes so fast sometimes it makes him want to scream. I totally know what he means. And I know where he gets it!! It is difficult to make a decision when all of these thoughts are swirling around inside my brain like a cyclone.

I think I should go to bed and lay off of the caffeine for a few days...


UPDATE:
I wrote that post last night before I had any sleep. It has been a stressful week due to little sleep and Bugaboo's health issues. He has a nasty cold and feels lousy and keeps waking up at night. Now, I have been used to waking up several times a night, but then he spoiled me and started sleeping through. I don't know which I prefer!
So, I am feeling better. Still confused, not so overwhelmed. But still need to lay off of the caffeine.

Things I want to say

Last week I spent hours reading other people's blogs. I love reading about their adoptions, births, family issues, heartfelt feelings, love life's, the list goes on. In some ways it makes me feel so NORMAL, in other ways I feel so fortunate just to have what I have, no matter how horrible of a day we had. There are always people who have it worse than we do, and they handle their difficulties with more grace and composure than I could ever muster. Oh, how it humbles me!

I am truly blessed. God picked me to do a very important job and I hope I am fulfilling my duties. In the meantime, I am doing the best I can. But I still need to vent, and this is my forum, my outlet, if you will. So, without further adieu, I bring you, "Things I want (read: need) to say."

Darling: I love you with all my heart. You are a wonderful husband and father (I've told him this part many times). But, you get so caught up in your projects, your garage stuff and your grass-cutting that you tend to ignore the kids a little too much. I know you just finished ten hours of hectic office politics, but I need you to be here when you get home. That is, I need you to take over. They are only awake for about two hours (sometimes less) when you get home. Can't you watch tv or tinker with your jeep or lawn mower then? I need a break! I know you try, and sometimes you deliver. But I need you to be more accountable and responsible. Oh, and on weekends, let's keep the garage disappearing act to a few hours, not 8-12, mmkay?

Brother: You are young, vibrant and hold more potential in your pinky than the other six of us ever had. Every time I think you are headed down the right path and have everything going for you, you get caught up in something. You are going to lose your career, the one you have worked so hard to establish. You are doing so well for yourself! We are so proud of you, why do you have get around the wrong people? I know that isn't you. You are a kind and loving person, you are thoughtful and fun-loving. The kids love you because you are a "fun uncle" and you give them the neatest Christmas presents (which, by the way, you spend WAY too much money on!). Please, please, PLEASE slow down and start thinking about your future. You are a good looking guy, you could do better than you've been doing! You would make a fine husband and father if you'd just cut out the teenage antics!

Other brother: You are going to be thirty years old. Shape up, get a life, stop getting canned from every job you have and MOVE OUT OF MOM AND DAD'S HOUSE!!!!! I love you, but you also act like a teenager. And I can't believe that anyone in their right mind would still want to live with mom and dad! Except that you are enabled at every turn and you take full advantage of it. I love you.

Third brother: You are a great guy, have great connections and work harder than anyone I've every met. Who else has held 3-5 jobs his entire working career? No one! However, you are on the fast track for burn out. Sloooooow doooowwwnnnn. You work too hard. Your wife does nothing except take advantage of that fact. She spends your hard-earned money on her frivolous affairs and isn't responsible. And when I call her princess, I mean it in a mean way. It isn't a term of endearment. Oh, and by the way, some of us LIKE having kids and the lifestyle that goes along with it. So stop making snide remarks about how it has ruined our lives, because believe it or not, we LIKE this torture!

Dear sister: I love that you know every movie ever made. Every tv show, even. You are a walking movie and TV tome. And witty and smart, genius even. You and I are the only people I know that read books at school dances and parties. However, I am very concerned about your son. Git yer head outta yer rear end and do something about it. I know how you feel about psychologists and doctors (or, aas you affectionately refer to them, "quacks.") but believe it or not, some of them DO HELP YOU. And will help your son. Please, for his sake, get him to a doctor for an evaluation. He needs help. He is four-years-old and his behaviours are out of control. He has autism. It runs in the family. It sucks, but there is NOTHING you can do about it. So stop running away from it and do something to help your son reach his potential! While it is cute that he repeats everything he hears, memorizes books and movie and TV characters and has a train obsession like his four male cousins, many of his behaviors (ok, almost all) indicate autism. So go do something about it.

(kind sounds like I am picking on my family, huh?)

Dear MIL: I know you mean well, and you do try sometimes, but you do not try hard enough with Bugaboo. He needs you. He needs you to be consistent. And you play favorites with your grandsons. You basically honor Bug Boy because he is the first and spoil and dote on Beach Baby because he lived so far away for so long. You totally ignore Bugaboo and it isn't acceptable. He doesn't hate you, he doesn't ignore you. He has autism. Deal with it. I know it hurts you and it worries you, but how do you think it makes us feel? It isn't a party you know! But we are dealing with it. We are capable of making decisions regarding his welfare. SO stop asking stupid questions, doing research on the internet and questioning his medical care when I get 2-3 opinions from well-qualified medical professionals. Start being his grandmother. There is a way to reach this child, take the time to figure out how.

Dear son: I love you so very much! You have the brightest smile on your face every morning when I have the privilege of being the first to see you open your eyes. You are the sunshine on a cloudy day for me, the beat of my heart. But I am in so much pain to see you this way. I want so much to hear your little three-year-old voice. I want you to look in my eyes and let me know it is all ok. Please, communicate with us! We need you! If you could only tell me how you feel, if your tummy hurts, what you want for dinner or that you'd like to go out and play. Or not. Just tell us! We are trying so hard to reach you and figure out what it is you need! It is such a guessing game. I know you are doing the best you know how, but you have so much potential. You are so smart! I have never seen a child do some of the things you do. Your five-year-old brother doesn't even do them. But you can! Show us what else you can do! Sing the alphabet with me! Play Head-shoulders-knees-and-toes! I don't want to pressure you but so many people have already given up on you and have written you off. I know you are still in there. Show us!

Tabloid and news media: Leave them alone. I know you think that because they have a public lifestyle that it means you can follow them around and exploit them, but that doesn't mean you can do crazy things like box their cars in, take pictures of their kids and stand around their house, or better yet, fly around their houses. I know they could do better to protect themselves and give photo ops so that you'd leave them alone more, but the children! Stop taking pictures of the kids! That really, REALLY bothers me! If you want photograph their cottage-cheese thighs and their nipples hanging out of their bathing suits, that is on you. But please don't take pictures of their kids. It is so insanely wrong.

Political people: You could be doing a better job. I voted for many of you. But you are sending our country to heck-in-a-handbasket and I am embarrassed! My overseas friends ask me some weird questions that I don't know how to answer. What the HECK are we doing there? Please don't let this turn into another Vietnam. And start admitting that this has more to do with Oil and our interest in it (hmmm, the president is an oil tycoon, interesting!) and less to do with establishing democracy in a country that has no hope for it since they have no desire to protect human rights. I am in support of our troops and I believe in our country. I believe that their tyrannical dictator is an evil man who must face justice. I even believe they aided terrorism and may even have WMDs hidden SOMEWHERE. But I don't think this was the way to go about it. I am no expert (and please don't flame me in the comments section, I won't respond!), but I do know that something just doesn't seem right. I don't watch the news, and I rarely read it, but I know what I know...And there are people in other countries that need our help more that DON'T have oil and have darker skin and their women and children and suffering atrocities that shouldn't ever be, why isn't anyone helping them?

People who sit behind red tape: You make it much to difficult to obtain therapeutic services for our children. They are entitled to a certain amount by law and you just make the process draining so that more parents will give up before their children receive what they need. But not here! We will fight to the bitter end because my child is worth it. He will get what he needs. I am not interested in taking more than he is allowed, I am not one of those parents who are sue-happy and get the district to pay for private school (which is where they would have sent their kids anyway, if they had been typical). But, he deserves a chance to learn to speak and behave like any other three-year-old. Mmmkay?

Ok, I bet you don't want to read any more of my thoughts. I have more people to "talk" to but won't today. I feel better already!

Long time, no blog!

We decided to take a short holiday at the family's cabin in the middle-of-nowhere-Pennsylvania. It was divine. The weather was perfect, the kids had a great time and the adults (darling and myself) relaxed! I even SAT AND DID CROSSWORD PUZZLES!!!! And sudoku and logic puzzles. I am still in awe.

Bugaboo ended up getting sick, nothing new there. He woke up Saturday morning with eye boogers (ewwwww!) and They became progressively worse as the weekend passed. By the time we drove home Monday morning his eyes were stuck together, his tear ducts were running worse than his nose and he cried yellow tears. I thought he had pink eye. WRONG!

It took a few hours to get a cell phone signal since we were coming home through the mountains. I managed to get a call in to the pediatrician, and miraculously she was open on a holiday weekend. So, we brought him right in and she told us he had CELLULITIS. Which, as I understand it, is when the tissue surrounding a wound or infection gets infected and inflamed. Which is why my dear Bugaboo resembled Rocky Balboa. No worries, if the antibiotic and eye drops didn't work we were just gonna have to go to the hospital and be admitted for an IV to get those germs outta there.

Needless to say I had a minor panic episode, since we had a surgical procedure scheduled for this child and had to postpone it due to illness FOUR TIMES. There was no way I was going to let it get postponed again! NO SIR!!! I made SURE that he choked down the antibiotic and Darling and I devised a way to get the eye drops in several times a day by sitting on him. Yes, I said sitting on him. Hey, whatever works, right?

So, Bugaboo had the procedure(s). His eyes are better. His nose is now oozing green slime, and said slime now covers my shirt, stomach and hair from his hugs and "kisses." He'll be right as rain in a few days. And, even after being under anesthesia for a spell he woke right up and hopped out of the hospital bed ready to get his day going. The child never ceases to amaze me.

Another one bites the dust!

WOOHOO!
Borg has assimilated another! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

My sister, who has been following my blog, is now starting her own. She put her first post up last night. I can't wait to see what she does in the future, since she is a very creative person. She sing, plays guitar, writes poetry, paints and even used to write short stories. She hasn't done anything very creative in a while (I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean she hasn't kept up with her hobbies lately) so it will be neat to read her blog. Please stop by and visit her! I have her on my links bar.

Now I have to get the other five doing it! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Except one sister is very computer savvy, the other can sort of do a few things (like E-mail and surf) one brother has three jobs and is a cop and would NEVER post stuff online and the other two, well, let's just say that they are more myspace material.

We are off for the weekend, heading to our paradise (family cabin) for a weekend of R&R. HA! I made a funny! R&R with kids! As if!

Thursday Thirteen

I messed up on posts, so my Thursday Thirteen is actually on Tuesday, two below this one. Don't miss it! It is a true original! HA!

Wordless Wednesday

This is Lake Erie, I mean, my backyard. After five straight days of rain, and several before that, we end up with plenty of standing water to allow the mosquitos to regenerate. With this humidity, it is more like the Everglades...

Thirteen Reasons Marj Maintains a Blog

1. All of the other kids do it.
2. It is a geeky thing to do, and geek is chic!
3. I find it therapeutic, almost like keeping a diary.
4. It gives me a creative outlet.
5. Blogging is a nice distraction from what is going on around me. Which is ALOT.
6. I feel empowered to be able to tell my story in my own words.
7. So that my IRL friends can keep up with my inner-most thoughts when they can't see me, and so I don't have to post it all on flying-in-PA-Delco.
8. I like 'puters and this is just another way to sit in front of one.
9. I am hoping to be discovered and become a famous Hollywood Writer.
10. I am trying to develop Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
11. It is good practice for playing the piano. The more I type, the better fine-motor coordination I develop, the better I can play more difficult pieces.
12. I am hoping someone Googles "Baby Ax Murder Bug collection Autism" and finds my site.
13. Tens of people are counting on me for inspiration and entertainment and therefore read my blog with an avid desire.

Dr. Destructo

My Sister's husband has a pet name for Bugaboo, "Dr. Destructo."

Bugaboo has this habit of swirling around the house (or anyone's house, for that matter) like a tornado and destroying anything and everything in his path. A few weeks ago it was glasses he decided to fling on the floor. You know, drinking glasses? Before that he pushed out every screen that he could find. Then there was the CD drive in our relatively new computer. And now the little door that covers the drive to keep dirt and little fingers out.

Bugaboo also likes to close doors. No, make that, SLAM doors. He is particularly fond of the kitchen and bathroom cabinets. A month ago he began the annoying habit of parking himself on the floor in front of the cabinet and slamming the doors with his feet. When we ask him to stop and redirect him, he goes to the bathroom. Then he goes to the other bathroom. Then back to the kitchen. In order to curb the door-slamming we bought magnetic door locks (which we had in our former abode), which have sat in a bag in the basement for the past month. I have asked Darling to put them on, oh, at least one hundred times.

So, the locks still aren't on. Bugaboo cracked the wood on the kitchen door last night. When Darling got angry I reminded him that Bugaboo can't help it, he is still learning, and Darling should have put the locks on a month ago. Grumble, grumble. So he goes to the basement, gets the locks, starts taking the door apart, gets side-tracked in the basement and spent the rest of the night bolting the laundry tub to the floor, because the agitation of the washer moved the tub and made water spill all over the floor. So the doors still don't have locks on them.

Now, we have baby gates, door alarms, door-knob covers, plastic outlet covers, a fireplace lock, door locks (the one that goes on the handle and holds the handles together) and cabinet locks. But the kitchen has no knobs so the only lock we could use is the magnetic lock. I don't like those little plastic ones that go on the inside of the door, we used to have them and they can STILL open the doors about 1/2 and inch and slam them, and their little fingers.

I am praying that DH will get the locks done tonight. My sanity depends on it.

And, if I knew where the heck he hid his drill, I would have put them on MYSELF!!!

Summer Camp started today!

I can barely contain the excitement I feel! Summer Camp, for both boys, started today!!! WAHHHOOOO!!!! Wait, wait, hear that? No? That's 'cause there is NO NOISE and I am by myself, able to think, eat, drink, pee without interruption for FIVE HOURS!!!

I feel a little guilty being this excited about it. I honestly do think I've earned the little break. And the kids are getting quite a bit out of it, since it is a T-camp (Therapeutic Camp) which provides them socialization, sensory opportunities and just all around fun. The counselors are dedicated and caring (young 20-something girls fresh outta college, in some respects) and experienced. The boys love, LOVE them. Especially the red-heads. Bugaboo tends to find the first red-head and hugs away!

I decided this morning that I would like to take advantage of the transportation after all. I think driving them and picking them up each day eats up time and money. Especially since it is FREE. Free for me, anyway. But I indirectly pay for it as a taxpayer.

I had about 50 things planned. I got done one thing so far. Or, a half or one thing. I will be more proactive tomorrow. Right now I am just enjoying being able to sit and not hear something break or worry about food being thrown on the floor or worrying about a child escaping into the backyard without supervision. Ahhhh...Calgon, take me away!

The Amazing Bug Boy

Bug Boy is one amazing kid. And I am not just saying that because I am his mother (although I am a tad biased in that respect). He is five, very precocious and full of energy. He was a late talker by developmental standards and didn't babble or even say one word until two-and-a-half, when he spoke in COMPLETE sentences and paragraphs. He was articulate and rarely mispronounced anything, although we have a list of "bug boy-isms" such as:

• Gutchy (yucky)
• An-too-blantz (ambulance)
• suh-pa-ghetti (spaghetti)
• Hop-sit-all
• Dro-dro (Alyson, we are still scratching our heads about this one!)

And he didn't just say one or two things. This child was not reticent by ANY means of the word. He never stopped. Ever. Not for a minute. He narrated everything he saw and did. His speech was an endless stream of his thoughts, and he did not keep his thoughts hidden inside! Here is an example of a conversation with Bug Boy:

BB: Mom! Did you see that? That was a jeep! Daddy has a jeep! A CJ-7! That was NOT a CJ-7 'cause they don't make 'em anymore. That was a bad jeep. Daddy doesn't have a bad jeep. His is black. That jeep was not black. That jeep was red! You know who has a red car? Gammy! And so does Pop-Pop! And Uncle John has the same car as Pop-Pop. They have broncos. Uncle Jay had a bronco. I saw a bronco right there! Look!

Mommy: Uh-huh...

Yes. The conversation goes just like that. He jumps from one subject to the next. And it is all. one. breath. No stopping, and it is faster than a speed talker.

Early on we gave him the nickname of "Rain Man" because the kid sounds like Dustin Hoffman rocking on the porch getting upset about People's Court. And Bug Boy does get that upset about things when they don't go his way or he is late or thinks he has to do something.

We have since realized that is not an appropriate moniker, mostly because now both boys have a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum disorder. Bugaboo was diagnosed with Autism and Bug Boy was diagnosed with Asperger's/PDD, depending on whom you ask. And here is the freakiest thing about it: I have a few nephews, all from my three sisters, that have VERY similar traits. One has a diagnosis of Asperger's, one most likely has PDD (Bug Boy's twin) but is doing VERY well, and the other we are certain has Autism, although his mother refuses to have him evaluated because "psychologists and doctors are quacks." And, we are holding our collective breaths on the baby, he turns one in July and I am PRAYING his pattern doesn't follow the others. But so far it has.

And the amazing part? He is one smart cookie. He may not get the pragmatics of language but he can memorize everything he sees and hears. And he never forgets, the little elephant. He is hyperlexic (affinity for letters) and is reading on a first grade level. And we didn't teach him, he just "gets it" on his own. Weird! At the age of two, just after he learned to talk, he'd point to a stop sign and say, "That's a red octagon! And it says S-T-O-P! STOP!" It astounded everyone around us. And now when he goes to the Red Bulls Eye Store he gets into conversations with the cashiers and others shopping around us and tells them his whole life story (which is a bit unnerving!):

BB: My name is Bug Boy middle name last name andI live at 123 Main Street in Anytown, Pennsyl-VAN-ia and my mom's name is M-j and my Dad's name is Darling and my brother's name is Bugaboo and I have a dog named Shadow. I go to school at XYZ preschool and I am in Mrs. Teacher's class and next year I will be in Kindergarten! Because I don't know my teacher's name yet because I went to visit the school and I really like it. I will have OT. I like OT, it is really fun!

Person is store: Uh huh...

People think it is cute, but it is REALLY dangerous. Which is why he won't learn his SS number or my credit card number. Ever.

I will leave you with one final conversation between Bug Boy and his 'twin' cousin, Dino Boy:

BB: Hey! Dino Boy! Let's play crash-up derby with my Nascars! Here is the track, it is a Bristol Night Race. Jeff Gordon crashed and Tony Stewart's engine blew up. "Oh no! I blew my engine up (Tony Stewart voice with car)" "Oh! I am going to crash into Robbie Gordon! Hey guys, I'm gonna win 'cause I'm DaleEarnhardtJunior and my Dad is DaleSenior!"

DB: (in dinosaur voice) Roar! I am a veloceraptor and I am going to shred you to bits! ROOOAAARRR!!!! (stomps around room like a dinosaur. For an hour.) Roar! Here comes T. Rex and he is going to save the day! Go T. Rex, GOOOOO!!!!

BB: Ok, here they come around turn two and Dale Jr. is in the lead! But wait! Here comes Kyle Petty (very unlikely, btw) for the win! And it's the Petty Car! WOOHOO!!!

DB: And the dinosaurs crash into the track and eat everybody! Except for the plant eaters, they eat the plants! Roar! ROOOOAAAARRR!!! (stomps around the room for another hour.)

BB: Crash! Crash! CRASH! Now it's a demolition derby and everybody crashed! The cars are all blowing up! There's a fire! WOOHOO!

DB: ROOOOAAAARRR! The dinosaur is going to eat the other dinosaur!! ROOAORRR!!! (stomps around some more).

Yes. That is an almost word-for-word transcription of an actual play date with Dino Boy and Bug Boy. They have two completely different conversations and somehow understand what each other is saying. It is a SCREAM to watch, so if you need some comedy relief, feel free to observe one of their sleepovers or playdates!

*** sorry for the violent portrayal of the boys and their play, but they are a little preoccupied with crashing and eating right now!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things I want to accomplish when the kids are at camp this summer!

9-2! EVERYDAY! WOOHOO!

1. apply joint compound and sand (several times)
2. paint Halls, LR, DR and Kitchen
3. declutter my house
4. get the last of the boxes out of the attic and go through them!
5. Gardening
6. Work out!
7. Paint Bugaboo's room
8. Make curtains for Bug Boy's room
9. Go out to breakfast with a friend I rarely see
10. Play the piano without interruption
11. Learn to photoshop
12. Go through the toys in the playroom and purge
13. Listen to the silence

They won't be gone all summer, just six weeks. Bugaboo has school in between (he goes year-round). But still, it will be nice! And, the best part is that the camp is F-R-E-E! Covered under the mental health portion of their insurance and is part of their wrap-around services for autism services. So, sometimes the system works in our favor. Sometimes...

Works-for-me-Wednesday

I saw this on a few other blogs and love the idea of Mommas sharing their little tidbits to help one another. So, here is my little example of what "works for me:"

My kids love arts and crafts and need tons of sensory. They also love water. So, when the weather is warm and they wanna be outside and want to do something with their hands, I give them buckets of water and dollar-store paint brushes. House-paint-sized brushes. They go to town on the fence, garage, swingset, deck, toys, fence, dog house, you name it. It is even more fun when I let them have the sidewalk chalk first and THEN give them the paint brushes. OOOOOOooooo, swirly colors! They love doing this.

Have fun!

Ode to my Shad Roe

Spoiled doggie in her very own swimming pool!

Spoiled doggie suns herself to dry off before jumping in AGAIN.

Shadow never complains! She puts up with all of the kids' antics. They lay on her, stand on her, sit on her, pull her hair, feed her an assortment of edibles and non-edibles and tease her and she still comes back happily asking for kisses and belly rubs. She may be pampered and spoiled (and high-energy and a spaz) but she fits in well around here!

Shadow acts like she is starving on a daily basis (eighty pounds, at last visit!). She eats anything, and I mean ANYTHING. Her favorite foods are watermelon and carrots. And bones, but we try not to give her any. Sometimes she gets them on her own (i.e. out of the trash) and in the middle of the night leaves me a little regurgitated gift at the bottom of the stairs. Her middle name is Hoover, since she cleans up after the kids and I don't have to sweep often!

We got Shadow six-and-a-half years ago at the SPCA. She was a sick eight-wee-old puppy, the runt of a litter of ten. They told us she was a shepard mix and would grow to be forty pounds, which she surpassed at six months. Two other dogs from her litter were adopted near our home and we have met her brother and sister. She is twice their size! Turns out she is a Border Collie and Black Lab mix and she inherited her size and bulk from the lab while proudly showing off her border collie coat and play skills. And yes, she herds the children. And the squirrels, rabbits and birds that are brave enough to show up in our yard!

Shadow will jump in a puddle and swim in a lake. She has her own baby pool because she hogs the water from the kids. When we take her upstate she will swim across the lake and back and wade in the deep mountain creeks. But she does not appreciate getting baths. If we mention the words "bath," "stink" or "dirty" to her, she runs and hides.

She is so smart we have to spell certain words around her, but she now knows that W-A-L-K means walk and gets very excited and runs to the door. It took less than a week to house train her, by the second day she had no accidents in the house. She learned several "stupid pet" tricks but can't catch a ball or Frisbee since she has eye problems. She does NOT walk well on a leash since she is trying to herd everything the entire time and must walk in a complete square. You cannot walk any other way, she can't handle the anxiety.

Yeah, she's spoiled. And we feed into it. We had her long before the kids, our first baby. She sleeps on our bed, climbs on the couch with us and cuddles in the winter in front of the fireplace to keep warm. She was so sick when we got her (three kinds of worms, mange, ear mites, ticks AND fleas - in January!) and so malnourished, you'd never know it by looking at her beautiful shiny coat now!

Shad Roe - wonder pet extraordinaire!

Morbid curiosity?

For some strange reason whenever I pick up a newspaper (rare these days) or read the news, the first thing I turn to is the obituaries. I have done this since I was ten years old and had my first paper route. I'd crawl up to the paper delivery site ( a friend's house at the top of a VERY steep hill) at 5 am, open up the bundle and count out my papers, fold them in that special paperboy way and then sit and read...The obits.

I cannot even tell you where it comes from. I just want to know about people. I want to read about the wives, their offspring, how many grandchildren they doted on before they passed. Usually if you I that the request memorial contributions to the heart association or cancer society or hospice, I can pretty much guess how they died. I have a lump in my throat whenever I read them, especially if a young person or child pass. It must be a terrible heartache to have to live through the death of your child.

No matter where we go in the country to visit relatives I pick up that paper and read the obits. This is going to sound really macabre, but the best obits are in Salt Lake City. That's right, the Mormon Mecca (LDS, as they prefer). Those people know how to live. And die. Their obits are interesting! Their entire life story is printed. The obits have their own special section, not just tucked in behind the classifieds. It is almost like reading a mini autobiography or a short story.

I know it is a weird obsession. I am not proud of it. But through the blogger twelve step program I am learning to admit my downfalls and work through them. This blog stuff is extremely therapeutic.

Marj's list of thirteen things she is stuggling with right now

1. I cannot understand why Bugaboo won't eat. He has to eat to survive, and he only eats toast and rice crackers. It gets worse every month. And the feeding clinic says he is getting enough to survive!
2. I wish Darling was not so stressed about work. He is constantly consumed with the though of losing his job and not being able to support this family. He is also obsessed with money and goes to major extremes to save it, unless it is something for his jeep or garage. Grrrr...
3. I am having some healthy problems that make me tired, sluggish, irritable and all of the above. Add in the numbness and altered sensations and it makes it very tough to deal with. As my IRL friends can testify, I am a very active person with tons of energy! This isn't right! Perhaps God's way of saying, "SLOW THE HECK DOWN!"
4. the system to get decent services for your kids SUCKS. I shouldn't have to fight this hard to get them the MINIMAL. It just isn't fair. They should have it given to them automatically! I should have to prove how badly they need it!
5. I want to go back to work. Soon. The sooner the better. But I literally do not have time, between therapies and doctor appointments. No one in their right mind would hire me, since I'd have to take every other day off.
6. When I do go back to work, I don't think I want to be a teacher anymore. At least, not of kids with special needs. I think I'd burn out too fast! My degree is in Special Education, my student teaching was with kids with Autism! I can't do this 24 hours a day. Darling is not amused, especially since we still have 2 years of a student loan to pay.
7. Finances. I try to budget, save money, not impulse buy. But I am a very impulsive person. It is the main reason I never, EVER carry cash. I'd spend it in a second. Credit cards are easy to pull out, but lately I have been using Debit, and that makes it easier for me to be more responsible, since there is only so much money in there!
8. Bugaboo. I am frustrated, he is frustrated. The whole family is frustrated. His lack of willingness to communicate is really taking its toll. I am trying to patient, but he just flat out REFUSES. There is quite a bit of crying, whining, tantrums, hand-biting, etc.
9. Bug Boy. His anxiety level has been much higher as of late. He knows that he is starting a new school and will have new friends and a new teacher. He has had the same preK teacher for two years and is very anxious about the new one, even though he REALLY wants to go to Kindergarten NOW. He loves school!
10. The dog. I feel like I am neglecting her, and of course she is milking it for all it is worth. I rarely walk her more than 2 days a week these days. Thank goodness we have a large yard. She spends her days chasing squirrels and running around with the dogs next door. I try to spend some time each day exercising her in the yard.
11. My parents. They are in outer space, and that is putting it mildly. My mom hasn't really been all there for about 20 years. Well, her whole life. She had some major issues as a kid, is Bi-Polar and is very difficult to deal with. I have never felt like she was my mom. My sisters and I have a very strong bond and I think it is because we don't' really have a mom, so we rely on each other for that emotional support. I am glad that I have my sisters!
12. Depression. I have had it since I was a kid. I know Bug Boy is starting to show signs of it, and it terrifies me. It runs in the family. I have a brother who is also bi-polar. I was not diagnosed with it, but they said I can have manic episodes (like 4 hour cleaning binges at midnight). Uh, I know! I have tried several treatments, including counseling and meds (don't' like meds, so I don't take them). Know what works? Exercise! It is one of the few things that gets me out of it. But I have been struggling to find the time to do it!
13. Time management. I need 26 hour days and 8 day weeks. Come to think of it, I could use 48 hour days. Yeah, and sleep for 40 of them. That would help. But seriously, I am chronically running late these days and I used to be late for EVERYTHING. I think we just have WAY too much going on! And I am considering adding more OT for the boys! ACK! What am I thinking?

I think everyone runs ragged and everyone has stress in their lives. Dealing with it is the key. I think I am struggling because I haven't been to the Y in two weeks and now Aunt Flo is here to make my day. So, the hormones are no doubt the issue. Ask me again in three days, I will be singing a different tune!

Wordless Wednesday - Doggie Condo

Doggie Condo, handmade by Darling for the Shad Roe.

She rarely goes in it and prefers to camp out NEXT to the doghouse.

Rock bottom and back up again

This crazy little world I live in is like the longest roller coaster ride. EVER. I mean, it goes up and down and around, and back upside down, up the hill, down the hill. Sometimes it stops. And just when I think the ride is over, and it is slowing down, I go back up the hill and brace myself for the very long drop ahead.

The past two weeks have been hectic at best, and depressing at worst. My SIL was here with her son for a visit. It was supposed to be a relaxing 10 days, some fun trips to the zoo or museums, about twenty trips to the park up the street. But, we all ended up with a stomach bug. It went through every single one of us, every two days. Bugaboo ended up in the emergency room, and they should have kept him a few days, since he doesn't cooperate with eating and drinking. But they sent him home and it took over a week to get him back to eating and drinking normally. Or at least normally for him.

Then my nephew ended up in the ER, and he stayed for THREE days. He was in bad shape. Then he stayed home a day and ended up in the ER again, dehydrated. The last two days they were with us we spent at home with cranky kids. Not fun.

The day we took them to their new home in Jersey was the worst day I have had in recent memory. It started like a typical day: kids running around, hungry, adults need their coffee before dealing, cartoons on for a diversion. I made a breakfast of SOS (creamed chipped beef) and home fries. We sat to eat but bugaboo was not cooperative. He cried. He screamed. He threw a tantrum. He wouldn't eat anything but toast. And then Darling started in on his issues and how "we have to do something about this" which means, "you aren't doing enough to change this situation."

I guess I felt attacked. I mean, I am completely consumed with this kid and his issues. Both kids, to be precise. I spend my days filling out paperwork, driving to therapy, going to doctor's, and once in a while a playdate. I'd like more playdates. At least I would get to talk to an adult! But, I am doing the best I can.

It was so frustrating. We were trying to force Bugaboo to eat something and I just couldn't do it. He screamed and cried. I cried. Darling looked like he was about to cry. All of this happening while my perfect two-year-old cutie of a nephew was sitting and eating and chatting away to his Momma. It was breaking my heart. I love being around him, but it was KILLING me that day.

So, After Darling and I had a small tiff about the typical autism-related stuff, I took Bugaboo up to his room and curled up in a ball on his bed while he played and read books. He kept coming over to me and kissing me (rare!) and hugging me. He clearly knew I was upset. After about an hour of me in a coma, Darling came upstairs. He and his sister had talked. She knows we are having a rough time and decided she wanted to go to her new place a day early to give us some space. I felt like a gigantic moron because I made her feel uncomfortable. But, we cleared things up, changed our plans for the day and helped her pack.

I was supposed to go to a cousin's party (sort of a family reunion, but just cousins, which is about 37 people and their kids and spouses, etc.) and see my family, leaving Bugaboo behind with Darling but taking Bug Boy to run and play with his cousins. But I could not stand to be around anyone that day. The last thing I wanted to do was to go to a HUGE family gathering (100+ it turns out) and watch everyone else's perfect three-year-olds playing, talking, hugging and kissing. I couldn't listen to my cousin's two-year-old premie giggling and saying, "Mama!" over and over. It was physically too painful. I called my sisters and they were kind enough to stretch the stomach virus excuse out so that they didn't have to tell everyone I was too depressed to be there.

After driving Darling's sister and Nephew to the shore, we decided to take advantage of the day and drive over the bridge to Ocean City. It was a GORGEOUS cool day, jackets necessary. My kind of weather! We walked on the board walk, had Pizza and fries, took the kids on a few rides. Just what we needed, some family fun! And, it was the prescription we all needed, a low-stress family outing with no real time-table, no one to call, no appointment to rush home for. We didn't even think about bedtimes or medicines or anything. We just concentrated on having fun with the kids. While Darling took Bug Boy on the go-karts and played mini-golf (not Bugaboo friendly) I walked along the boardwalk with Bugaboo pointing out the ocean, the sand, things we saw in stores. Then we all headed to the amusement rides, which Bugaboo normally doesn't enjoy. It is too loud, too busy, too much stimulation. Usually the kind of place I avoid with him. But he seemed so interested in the rides, watching them closely and smiling. Right before we left I took a chance and got tickets for the carousel. I figured if he screamed and cried at least it was cheap! So, we got on, I put him on the horse (which he previously FREAKED OUT on) and belted him in. He held on with both hands and smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen. He was ready!

The ride started, the horse pumped up and down and Bugaboo laughed and had a grand time. He only got scared toward the end of the ride and put a Vulcan death grip on my shoulder. Other than that he had a grand time! When we got off he was so relaxed he fell asleep in minutes in the car. Just what he needed. And the best part was that he ate a piece of pizza crust and tried a Curly fry. A large feat for a child who won't even eat a different brand of toast.

So, just like the roller coaster that Bug Boy was too short to ride on, life is up and down and around again. Sorry if it is a bad analogy, but you know that movie, Parenthood? That part when the grandma explains the roller coaster and its comparisons to real life? That really resonates with me now. I didn't quite get it before. But I realize now that I am here for the ride, might as well enjoy it. Except I get a teensy bit motion sick...

I love these crazy memes...

I know, they are so cliche.
But I can't help myself. I am in love with memes. I love answering questions about myself, and don't care if anyone reads it.
Ok, here we go. Read this one on Mom Nancy's blog and have to do it.

1. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your father's side, your favorite candy): Alice Eminem.

2. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name followed by izzle", first two or three letters of your last name followed by "dizzle"):Mizzle Hadizzle.

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):Green Elephant.

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your name- last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name repeated twice): Martho ShaSha

5. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile you drive):Green Sienna

This is some goofy stuff. But fun. For more fun, check out the Amazing Meganame Generator at www.blogthings.com/meganames . Here are some of my aliases from blogthings:

Movie star name: Cheese William
Fashion designer name: Marjorie Amsterdam
Socialite Name: Midge New Orleans
Fly Guy/Girl name: M Hat
Detective Name: Elephant Prendie
Barfly name: Cereal Wine
Soap Opera Name: Linda Tasker
Rock Star Name: M&M Ferrari
Star Wars Name: Marsha Hateri
Punk Rock Band Name: Elated Plunger

Don't ask me why, but I love this stuff! And, if you are really bored, apparently you can come up with your "stripper or porn star" name, by combining your pet's name with your Street name. Which makes me Shadow President.

My thirteen favorite green things that GROW!

1. Daffodils...love that smell in the spring
2. Roses. Love that smell, too! And so pretty, but so delicate. Don't like thorns, though
3. Daisies and Susans. Reminds me of my childhood, running through them at Nana's.
4. Zinnias. Same reason as #3 but at Grandmom's house.
5. Spirea. A specific one, called called "Bridal-Wreath" used to grow by my house growing up. We'd collect it and make necklaces, bouquets, etc. They are difficult to locate these days, I am determined to have one at my new house!
6. Peonies. Big, beautiful blooms for far-too-short a time!
7. Lilacs. Ahhh...that smell....aaahhh....chooooo!!!
8. Lilies. Remind me that the world is alive...with the sounds of music...just kidding! But seriously, when Lilies bloom, all is right in the world. Can't explain it. Just feel it.
9. Forget-Me-Nots. I had these for one season at my former humble abode. I miss them, and will be planting them here. That color! I can't believe it exists in nature! So vibrant!
10. Lily-of-the-valley: cute little blooms, yummy smell when you have the windows open.
11. Hosta. At my former home I had seven varieties. Brother-in-Law calls it "lettuce" and doesn't get it, but I loved growing it!
12. Raspberries and Blueberries. Picking them in the mountains was a joy when I was a child. Even more fun was eating them for breakfast! Mom made blueberry pancakes, we try to do this with the kids when we go to the family cabin.
13. Copper Beech Tree. Don't ask me why, but DH loves this tree. He has to have one, and I plan on getting if for him this year, after I research it better and find out the best time to plant, optimal location in our yard, etc. I think it is romantic that he can point one out whenever we see it. And he is teaching Bug Boy the difference between Deciduous and Evergreen trees and now the different types of trees. Gotta love that!

OF course, this list is in no way complete. Even if it was "Thursday One-Hundred" It would not be complete. I love my green thumb. I miss being out there this year. It just isn't going to happen, so I settled for the consolation prize of a few flats of annuals and the meager offerings from when we first moved in. I plan on MASSIVE bed planning in the fall, followed by tons of bulbs (WOOHOO!) and in the spring I am going to TOWN!

Update: I just did a GIS to find a Spirea to put in here. What i thought was the bridal wreath, or Reeve's spirea, may be somethng else called the Vanhoutte or Arguta. My mother's spirea was a little different. As soon as I get to the bottom of it, I will let y'all know!