Well-Itnentioned People

I receive several calls and E-mails a week about everything related to Autism. There are people in my life that try to make sure I hear everything that is out there, which I appreciate. There are also people in my life that think I have my head in the sand and feel they need to point out every little thing in every little report and then call me and ask me if I've read/seen/called about it. While I appreciate their thoughtfulness, it is starting to get OLD.

My Mother-in-Law never passes up an opportunity to give me information. She is the one, by the way, that called my husband one night when I was out (on purpose, so she could lecture and grill him on how we have our head in the sand, even though all along we were PRIVATELY deciding how to handle the matter and were in the process of seeing specialists and having him tested) and decided that Bugaboo had Autism, because she read a list on the Internet. He was fifteen months old at the time. She complained that he never looked at her and he screamed when she came over. Never mind that we were struggling with the realization that something was going on with our child. I can't help but feel that it was an, "I told you so!" situation. I felt like my parenting skills were being judged.

Now, she truly does dote on the kids. She lives close by and comes over when we need her. When Darling was on his recent business trip and I ended up with a stomach virus, she came over when I needed her. She has done that many times in the past. She is the one that came over as much as we needed when we were new parents, and again when I had a C-section and had a two-year-old at home.

I guess I feel uncomfortable with her passing so much along because it is usually old information that we've seen and discussed and because she almost always asked if we've tried that for Bugaboo, if we are considering it for Bugaboo or if we think we should do it for Bugaboo. Because, you know, it is that easy. Just read it in Newsweek and VOILA! Instant thousand-dollar therapy for your kid that has no scientific research and no guarantee it will work for any child. Just a bunch of doctors who say, "Hey! They want a cure! Let's give them anti-psychotic drugs and see what happens! Let's put them on funky diets and see what happens!" Sorry, call me a doubting-Thomas but I ain't trying stuff like that on my child. He is not a Guinea Pig.

Don't get me wrong. We've considered some weird things. We've done the GFCF diet (very briefly) and we've put him on vitamin supplements. We have tried essential oils (he HATED them) and certain behavior therapies. But one thing that drives me crazy is when people hear you have a problem and say, "We have a drug for that!" Remember, my Darling works in pharmaceuticals, and we know more dangers and risks than most people. There is a time and place where medication is useful and needed, but we believe very strongly that our child will not be on psychotic drugs. It is not worth the risk of added ticking, liver damage and stunted growth just to make him "more aware" of his surroundings.

That said, there are other medications that we may pursue in the future. He is only four years old! We have no way of knowing how he will change in the next year. Part of me feels that I am not giving him every opportunity available and wants to give him meds to see what will happen. The other part of me says that it isn't such a good idea, that we need to give him more time. But then again, we feel like we are running out of time! We feel like he is four and we need to DO SOMETHING!!!! What if we find out a few years from now if we just had rubbed lotion on his ears or had just made him eat popcorn once a day, that he would be talking to us. I know it sounds silly, but when you are in this position you feel like you could try anything. Then your senses kick in and you laugh at yourself for your clouded judgment. Then you pray even harder for guidance because you want God to send you on the right path.

I know there is a plan for us. Bugaboo is here to teach us something. He is here to prove the statistics wrong and to bring our family closer. He is here to teach us to fight for our needs. He is here to make us rely on one another and to love each other unconditionally. I am sure if there is more, it will be revealed to me. I've always prayed for patience...guess what? I am learning it now! Your prayers are always answered, friends. The answer isn't always the one you want.