The Things I Do For Family

My sisters and I are very close. We do many things for one another, from childcare to parties to shopping, you name it. My youngest sister, who is "Po'," as she puts it, has lived in Iowa the past few years but has recently moved back to the East Coast and currently resides in Virgina. They are now only three hours or so away, and we are happy to see them MUCH more often.

This weekend they plan on heading north for their Son's fifth birthday (who's day was yesterday and I forgot to call!). My mother, who overdoes and enables out the waaazoooo, has decided that since we've never gotten to celebrate BJ's bday (I kid you not, it is BJ!) that the whole family has to drop what they are doing, last minute, and appear at this party. Now, I'd do it anyway, as it is my sister and I love her and I would love to celebrate his birthday for the first time, but my mother drives everyone nuts.

She has this little annoying habit of favoring certain children over others, certain grandchildren over others, etc. She has not been to see my kids in months and they live two tiny towns over. They rarely call so I have to call them with updates. She says what she has to say (like she is reading it off of a list) and then says, "Ok! I've got to go! Bye!" and ends the conversation. A bit of background: My mother has been struggling (and mis-diagnosed) with depression and anxiety for YEARS as a result of a horrible and traumatic childhood experience. She is also bi-polar. She goes up and down more than a roller coaster. I love her but she often refuses to get help and quits therapy CONSTANTLY. She also has given up on herself, does not eat, has medical issues she refuses to acknowledge or take care of and smokes about three packs a day. I kid you not. I cannot be around her long because I get sad and because she wears about a bottle-and-a-half of Estee Lauder each morning. You can imagine how my overly-sensitive little boys enjoy this smell (coupled with urine smell from her horrible little animals and the smoke, it is nauseating!).

So, last week, when I threw a surprise fortieth for my eldest sibling mother approached me and asked me (in a round -about way) if I'd host BJ's party. I agreed, because her house is smaller than my bathroom and I cannot figure out how seven children survived in that house. We dread going to her house for anything. It smells, it is beyond cluttered, it is cramped and loud. My kids HATE it, except for the train platform my father has in the living room. Yes, the living room. On a piece of plywood on top of a desk. When my mother kinda hinted that she wishes she could have it somewhere else, I gave in and told her it was fine to have it here, but I need to talk to Darling first. So what does she do? She makes an announcement to the WHOLE PARTY right then and there, before I could walk across the room and tell Darling! He was furious! I talked to him about it later and said it was better than going to THEIR house and he agreed and dropped it.

Fast forward a few hours and I talked to my sister in VA (who did not make it to the 40th) and she thanked me for the party. She asked if I'd watch her kids this Friday (tomorrow) so she could go to Jersey and get her husband so he could be at BJ's party. I agreed, and said, "Well, if you are leaving at four and it is a two hour drive, you won't get back until eight or later, and your kids will be tired, so why not just leave them here overnight and pick them up in the morning?" I cannot believe that came out of my mouth. She was so overjoyed at the prospect of sleeping the whole night without kids that I couldn't retract it. So I did the next best thing, I conned my older sister into helping me that night instead! So, I will have Bugaboo and Bug Boy, BJ (who is Bugaboo in behavior but talks more than Bug Boy - autistic without a diagnosis, poor kid) and BJ's little brother, eighteen-month-old E. Yup, I am crazy. Darling will be SOOOOOO happy about it.

My younger sister still cannot believe I am willing to do this. I know it has been very hard on her, she is in and out of work, her paycheck barely covers childcare, they are on and off of public assistance. They work so hard and get nowhere. She hasn't ever been away from her children. I know how it feels to need a break from them and my sisters help me out whenever I ask them. There is no one else I trust but them. So I am doing this for her because I know she needs me to and because that is what we do for each other. Even though her son drives me NUTS because she is denial about the necessity of intervention, he is a sweet little boy. He just needs constant monitoring! Or he might pee on the dog or paint her with grape robitussin.