Disturbing Proclamation

proc·la·ma·tion /ˌprɒkləˈmeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[prok-luh-mey-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	something that is proclaimed; a public and official announcement.

2.	the act of proclaiming.

Darling walked in the door rather early last evening. He often does not arrive at our door until well after 6, sometimes as late as seven. Before he was a manager (and now the associate director) he was in the door at five each day. He threw me off and I almost thought it was an intruder. Of course, he picked the WORST time to walk in, as I had five kids running in five directions, calling each other names and throwing things. It was complete bedlam.

I looked at him somewhat astonished at the early hour of his arrival. He noticed I was perplexed and said, "Remember when I said a few weeks ago that they were thinking of allowing us to work from home one day a week? Well, it starts tomorrow."

That crashing sound you heard was my jaw hitting the floor. Yes, complete shock. I thought I'd keel over right then and there.

I know it was obvious that I did not want to hear this revelation. He took it graciously and commented on the bags under my eyes and pitched in with the kids until they all went home and our were in bed. Darling then finished running the clothes through, helped me pack lunches and clean the kitchen. Then he shooed me off to bed (where I vegged for an hour watching tv).

You see, I am not sure how I feel about him working from home one day a week. I know I should be happy I'll get to see him just a bit more and that the kids will LOVE that he is home when they are. I also know that when he works from home he gets three times as much done as he does in the office (putting out fires). He also likes to stay in his jammies until lunch time and listen to music. He is so much more relaxed!

The problem is that I feel like he is intruding. We both do our own thing but I feel like he is breathing down my neck, watching what I do, commenting on how much TIME I have around here (while entertaining a five-year-old before kindergarten with diarrhea of the mouth). I mean, if I went to work with him and watching him walk around and commented on things and gave him suggestions on how to get his work done more efficiently, I wonder how he'd feel? In one respect I like him being home so he knows that the second I get the kids on buses, watch the little girl next door, put her on her bus, run errands, maybe hit the gym, return phone calls for doctor's appointments and finish filling out the endless pile of paperwork for special services and then start getting kids off of buses, making snacks, organizing play, working with the TSS with Bugaboo and then trying to start dinner before five that I am TOTALLY exhausted. He gets a clue about my day. But he comments on how nice it is that the time is all my own, that I am fortunate because the women he works with walk in to a filthy house that they do not have time to clean and they still have to entertain their kids, make dinner, etc.

The truth is that we chose this lifestyle for many reasons. We knew that I needed to stay home because I was not going to make much money the first few years out of college as a special educator. We knew that paying someone else to take care of our children did not make sense because we would not have much left over. We also both agreed that my staying home was important because we felt it was the best way to raise our children, that being home when the kids get off the bus was critical, especially since Darling was a latch-key kid from third grade on and his parents were NEVER home before dinner time. We also felt that my role was the mother and keeper of the home, the domestic goddess, if you will. I still do not think Darling feels comfortable with it, he is constantly trying to encourage me to work part time, make money, etc. The deal was that until both kids were in school full time I would be home. I want to be homeroom mom. I want to volunteer at school. I want to be there every morning and every afternoon. I want to be the mom that has a healthy snack waiting for them when they get home. I want to be the first to hear all about their day. Darling says he understands it and is very supportive of it. He even makes sure he compliments me on a job well done and is very reassuring. So then why do I feel that I have to be Suzy Homemaker in order to justify that I should stay home? Is there something too old fashioned about the idea that i do not NEED to work, that our family gets by fine and that we have adjusted our lifestyle and budgeted so that I can stay home? Or is it societal pressure that makes me feel guilty for not working and providing the kids with sports, lessons, therapies and such that we just cannot afford at this point?

Hmmmm...Much to think about. But in the meantime, I stay home and enjoy my role. And I nuke me cup of tea three times before the kids are on the bus. And I jump in the shower before the little girl arrives in the morning. And I look around my home and feel that I am doing the right thing.

Update: After Darling dragged himself out of bed at seven thirty for breakfast, talked to the kids and then attempted to log on to his work computer, it was discovered that he had a major system failure on his laptop and had to go to work. Shucks. Until next Thursday...