I Wanna Be Sedated

I made it to the doc yesterday, who confirmed that the past month has not been entirely in my head. I have a herniated disc in my back!

The good news is that is most likely will heal on its own in a few weeks, provided I am a good girl. To be a good girl, I have to do the following:
No laundry
No stooping
No lifting Bugaboo (the hardest one!)
No lifting weights at the gym
Low impact workouts at the gym to stay mobile
Sit with a pillow behind my back and my feet on something to keep my hips at a 90 degree angle
Do exercises for spine stability
Stay off of my feet or rest for 15 minutes of every hour (Yeah, I laughed at that one, too)
Warm baths alternated with ice
Sports cream or Biofreeze
Anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant (to deal with the super-intense muscle spasms)
Keep up with the chiro and stim treatments

The doc stated that I must have a high tolerance for pain, based on her tests. I kinda laughed at her. Yeah, 51 hours of natural childbirth labor followed by an epidural because they were going to rush me into the ER to deliver my first child, only to be thwarted by me pushing him out as fast as I could...yeah, I guess you could say I have a high tolerance for pain. And the second child was not much different, except that one did end in a C-section. And I took no pain meds after because I am...absolutely and completely nuts.

So I was sent home with these meds (plus a Z-Pac for the frickin' cough and sinus issues, the second round of antibiotics. Sheesh). I held off taking them for fear of being groggy or loopy around the kids. Once they were in bed, I popped the first muscle relaxant in. Nothing. I mean, I felt NOTHING. The only side effect I had was that I fell asleep immediately and woke up well-rested. I do not remember waking ONCE during the night. I get the feeling the furniture in every room could have been rearranged and I would not have noticed, I was totally sawing logs.

The best part about all of this is that I get to go get an MRI! YEAH! Just kidding. I hate them. I will be lucky if they can do it. I cannot stand being strapped down and stuck in that tube. I am currently working on dispelling my fears so that I can do this tomorrow at 3pm. Please pray for me then,will you? I know, it is all in my head. God is an awesome God and is bigger than my fears. Ain't gonna let an MRI get me. But I still have panic attacks. Luckily, I was prescribed a little mother's helper to get me through it.

The best part of the visit today is that I stepped on the scale and did not run screaming into the night. Apparently a month off from the gym causes you to LOSE weight. Nine pounds, precisely. I do not know how, only to say that I have not had any appetite since stopping the evil, hellish pills. Actually, I have had an appetite, I have just been eating what a normal woman my size would eat, rather than eating like I am carrying triplets, which is what I normally do. The doctor did warn me that I was a "good size" and that I really did not need to lose more weight. That is when I decided I needed to tell her that the last time I stepped on the scale in her office I was pigging out nine times a day and my boobs were about 3X the size they are now. I know that doesn't make that much difference, but going from a 36 DDEF to a 34 C/D is a big change, dontcha think?

The thing is I feel flabby. I haven't been to the Y in a month now, due to the back issue. Anyone that knows me knows that if I do not work out/run/walk/exercise for a minimum of 3o minutes a day, I go bat-shiat-crazy. I am like a caged animal these days, unable to do much due to my back and lingering cold. And nine pounds or no, my butt is the same size, if not larger (I know, you can all roll your eyes and cuss me out now, I deserve it.). Did you ever make a turkey??? Of course you have. You know when the grease sits in the pan while you eat the turkey, and the grease solidifies and you end up with this gelatin-like substance? Well, if you bought an organic, farm-raised turkey you don't get that. At least I didn't. Where was I? Oh yeah, the gelatin-like grease at the bottom of the pan. That is what I feel like this week. I am frustrated and ready to work, I just am not able to do it yet. Sigh. Add the lecture from the doc about how I don't need to lose weight and it sends me back fifteen years when I still made myself puke for a living.

I know y'all don't know what this is like. When you live in a family where nearly everyone is over weight there is this pressure to be skinny. I was a petite little thing (with a big butt) my whole life. So going through puberty was not fun, due to the constant criticism and comparison. Stay skinny! Watch what you eat! You are SO SKINNY!!!! WOW!!!! I hated that. I consider it to be a nasty insult, this word "skinny." It makes me nuts.I hate it when people think I can eat whatever I want. Not true. I hate it when people assume I do not have to exercise. Not true. I hate it when people think I do not work at this. NOT TRUE. I work very hard at this. No one notices because I started out smaller.

Where the heck am I going with this? Sorry, side tangent there.

Tomorrow. MRI. 3pm. Pray. Let's not have it bad enough to need surgery, mmmkay? I do not think it is, but you never know...