Never Forget or Never Remember?

Today started out like any other. We hit the snooze button too many times, I quickly woke the kids, threw on the tea water, put the weather on and ironed DH's clothes. Except instead of the weather report I was expecting, there it was: Coverage of the fifth anniversary of 9/11.

Now, I am a somewhat patriotic person. I fly my flags, know the anthem and other songs by heart (more than one verse!), wear the red, white and blue like anyone else. I sat glued to my television for days after that tragic day. I watched those towers fall over and over, watched the Pentagon burned, watched a farm in rural PA with plan carnage smoke from a big hole in the ground. I lived it over and over, cried over and over, watched the celebrity telethon, donated money. I prayed in church for hours. I cried in church when we sang, "Let there be Peace on Earth" and "How Great Thou Art." I took part in remembrance celebrations a year later.

This is different. I have had time to heal and reflect. I've had time to move on. I understand that the families who lost their loved ones on that fateful day cannot move on and forget. But I need to. I need to observe this day quietly. I don't want the man at the grocery store asking me what I was doing at that precise time (I was walking Baby Bug, now Bug Boy, and my toddler niece on the nicest day I could ever remember! I remember thinking how GORGEOUS and how awesome it was and thinking that God has truly blessed me with that day!). I don't want the lady at the gym saying over and over, "So, did you watch it? Remember when this happened? Remember when that happened?" I don't want to watch controversial ABC dramas that may or may not skew the facts. I don't want to go to movie theaters and pay money to people who are making money off of other people's pain. What I want to do is pray, reflect and enjoy. Yes! Enjoy! Enjoy the fact that God chose to make this a cool almost-fall day. Enjoy that today my baby is getting on the bus and riding an hour to his new school! Enjoy that tonight is back-to-school night at Bug Boy's school and DH is finally going to meet his teachers. Enjoy that I have the whole day to myself and can read, go to the gym, eat a lunch SITTING DOWN and get my errands done in less than two hours instead of the usual four!

I support our troops, I remember our veterans. I observe a moment of silence and say a prayer on days like Veterans Day, Memorial Day and D-Day. I appreciate that brave men and women sacrificed their lives for my freedom. I pray for our troops overseas. I pray for World Peace. I pray for our President and wish he could see things the way I do. I pray for former presidents and wish they didn't do the things they did that helped create the world we live in.

Today? Today I want to pray and then forget. I don't want to watch those towers coming down, the papers fluttering to the ground, the people jumping so they die on their own terms instead of burning to death. I want to continue to heal. I can't do it with these constant reminders. Every baseball game, football game, soccer game, NASCAR event and televised event has to do their little remembrance. Even at church yesterday we sang songs in honor of that day. I know that may be other people's ways to heal but for me it is sticking the sword in further and twisting it. The pain is still too much for me.

I plan on keeping the tv off. I plan on staying distracted. I am not turning the radio on and will listen to CDs instead. I won't read the paper or listen to or watch the news. And when Darling insists on watching the end of that horrid movie he watched last night I will be upstairs folding laundry or watching makeover shows. And then I will forget until next year. I will pray but I need to forget.