Marj's list of thirteen things she is stuggling with right now

1. I cannot understand why Bugaboo won't eat. He has to eat to survive, and he only eats toast and rice crackers. It gets worse every month. And the feeding clinic says he is getting enough to survive!
2. I wish Darling was not so stressed about work. He is constantly consumed with the though of losing his job and not being able to support this family. He is also obsessed with money and goes to major extremes to save it, unless it is something for his jeep or garage. Grrrr...
3. I am having some healthy problems that make me tired, sluggish, irritable and all of the above. Add in the numbness and altered sensations and it makes it very tough to deal with. As my IRL friends can testify, I am a very active person with tons of energy! This isn't right! Perhaps God's way of saying, "SLOW THE HECK DOWN!"
4. the system to get decent services for your kids SUCKS. I shouldn't have to fight this hard to get them the MINIMAL. It just isn't fair. They should have it given to them automatically! I should have to prove how badly they need it!
5. I want to go back to work. Soon. The sooner the better. But I literally do not have time, between therapies and doctor appointments. No one in their right mind would hire me, since I'd have to take every other day off.
6. When I do go back to work, I don't think I want to be a teacher anymore. At least, not of kids with special needs. I think I'd burn out too fast! My degree is in Special Education, my student teaching was with kids with Autism! I can't do this 24 hours a day. Darling is not amused, especially since we still have 2 years of a student loan to pay.
7. Finances. I try to budget, save money, not impulse buy. But I am a very impulsive person. It is the main reason I never, EVER carry cash. I'd spend it in a second. Credit cards are easy to pull out, but lately I have been using Debit, and that makes it easier for me to be more responsible, since there is only so much money in there!
8. Bugaboo. I am frustrated, he is frustrated. The whole family is frustrated. His lack of willingness to communicate is really taking its toll. I am trying to patient, but he just flat out REFUSES. There is quite a bit of crying, whining, tantrums, hand-biting, etc.
9. Bug Boy. His anxiety level has been much higher as of late. He knows that he is starting a new school and will have new friends and a new teacher. He has had the same preK teacher for two years and is very anxious about the new one, even though he REALLY wants to go to Kindergarten NOW. He loves school!
10. The dog. I feel like I am neglecting her, and of course she is milking it for all it is worth. I rarely walk her more than 2 days a week these days. Thank goodness we have a large yard. She spends her days chasing squirrels and running around with the dogs next door. I try to spend some time each day exercising her in the yard.
11. My parents. They are in outer space, and that is putting it mildly. My mom hasn't really been all there for about 20 years. Well, her whole life. She had some major issues as a kid, is Bi-Polar and is very difficult to deal with. I have never felt like she was my mom. My sisters and I have a very strong bond and I think it is because we don't' really have a mom, so we rely on each other for that emotional support. I am glad that I have my sisters!
12. Depression. I have had it since I was a kid. I know Bug Boy is starting to show signs of it, and it terrifies me. It runs in the family. I have a brother who is also bi-polar. I was not diagnosed with it, but they said I can have manic episodes (like 4 hour cleaning binges at midnight). Uh, I know! I have tried several treatments, including counseling and meds (don't' like meds, so I don't take them). Know what works? Exercise! It is one of the few things that gets me out of it. But I have been struggling to find the time to do it!
13. Time management. I need 26 hour days and 8 day weeks. Come to think of it, I could use 48 hour days. Yeah, and sleep for 40 of them. That would help. But seriously, I am chronically running late these days and I used to be late for EVERYTHING. I think we just have WAY too much going on! And I am considering adding more OT for the boys! ACK! What am I thinking?

I think everyone runs ragged and everyone has stress in their lives. Dealing with it is the key. I think I am struggling because I haven't been to the Y in two weeks and now Aunt Flo is here to make my day. So, the hormones are no doubt the issue. Ask me again in three days, I will be singing a different tune!