Deep thoughts with Jack Handy

I used to love the SNL segment featuring "Deep thoughts with Jack Handey." I thought it was a scream.

I have been doing quite a bit of thinking lately. I (and Darling) have a few difficult decisions to make regarding treatment and education for the boys. In a way, Bug Boy is easier. He will go to the local Kindergarten Center in the fall, in a typical class with typical peers and a few with autism specturm disorders. But for Bugaboo the decisions are more difficult.

Which (if any) behavior therapy should we try? What is our educational philosophy? What is our philosophy as parents? What is it we are looking for or want out of Bugaboo? Where do we want him to end up in the next 2-3 years? What about diet? Should we keep up the GFCF? Should we try Body Ecology? ACK!!!

Perhaps I am just thinking about it too much? I mean, I have everything I wanted out of Bugaboo already. I wanted a healthy, happy child. Check! I really wanted another boy since I had all of the stuff already. Check! I can hold him and love him and take care of him. Check! I can take him to the playground, play with him at home, go for walks, take him on vacation, peek in his door and kiss him when he is sleeping. Check, check, check! So what is it I am looking for?

I have a little confession to make. I have been praying so much my head hurts. What exactly I am praying for I just don't know. I don't expect a miracle cure. I think I just want a relationship with him. Perhaps some reciprocal communication? Or for him to look at me when I call his name? Heck, I'd settle to hear him call my name. But I know as soon as he did that, I'd want MORE. I will always want MORE. I have to find a way to accept him the way he is for the beautiful gift from God (his name means gift from God) that he is. He IS love. He GIVES love. He reminds me everyday why I am here. So, why aren't I appreciative of him? I cannot help but think about what he would be like at this age, had he been born "normal." UGH! What an AWFUL word! is anyone really normal? Is there a such thing as typical? Or is it just that everyone expects you to be the same, just like them? I don't want that for my kids, no matter their disability or ability. I have been working so hard my whole life to be different, perhaps I shouldn't ask less of my kids.

I have to follow the advice I gave to a friend. It is a personality quirk. It is part of what makes Bugaboo, well, BUGABOO! He is the same happy, loving, joyful child that he always was. With or without Autism. With or without speech. With or without stimming, chewing, food issues and humming.

He has ten fingers and ten toes. Good enough for me!

Feelings forcast: The Sun is peeking over the horizon. Should be bright and cheery soon!