That's All I am Going to Say About THAT

Warning: A whole Lotta TMI in this post!

Last night we managed to get Bugaboo in bed around eleven. He gave us a difficult time going to sleep, but at least he did not scream and cry all evening. I think we both would have broken down in tears at that point!

Darling dozed off on the couch while I was attempting to get my evening routines done. I gave up after a few minutes and left the dishes and lunches for morning (which I now regret, but I just couldn't go another thing last night!) and sat down to check e-mail and surf for a few mins. I needed to clear my head. Then I chased us both to bed. After I crawled into bed, however, we both kinda decided that we weren't going to bed right away, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Yep, wild and crazy stuff went on. And that's all I am going to say about THAT.


(Except that it was really awesome and hasn't happened in several weeks because of the heck that has broken loose around here.)


I think part of the reason that I actually WANTED to be with my husband is that I felt so much relief after Bugaboo went to bed. I mean, it is technically that part of my cycle that I'd want to (you know, ovulation, if I actually ovulate these days, I do not know). But I think the other part is that since I decided to quit taking an oral contraceptive (WHAT??? Good Catholic Girl taking the pill???) my mood and libido has been much better.

I started taking it after I weaned Ian because I was having horrible cycles. Heavy, awful, inconsistent, painful periods. It was dreadful. Here I was anemic to begin with and the days that I had my period I was unable to crawl out of bed. I hurt so badly. And for a girl who has a pretty high tolerance for pain, that is saying something. After repeated trips to my OB/GYN and several tests, they decided I was in perimenopause. At the ripe old age of thirty-two! Now, it doesn't matter a hill of beans because people can be in perimenopause for years before the real thing comes. My cycle has never been normal, it has always been kinda all over the place. Short period, looooong fertile mucus period (like, 9 or ten days, depending) and then it would all happen again in twenty days, thirty days, twenty-eight days, who knew?

I finally asked my OB/GYN (a DO, not likely to offer me meds unless I beg for them) if there was ANYTHING that I could do to straighten it out. I was desperate because it was really interfering with things. I was tired of bleeding pints of blood all in one day only to have it be gone the next day. I felt like crap, was having major hormonal swings and was depressed often. I was seeing a psychologist and she told me to get a medical workup to be sure. They found out I was anemic, still (big surprise there). Then the OB finally said, "Well, as a last resort, you could try a low-estrogen pill. It may straighten things out. Or not. It is up to you." I talked it over with Darling, who basically left it up to me. He wasn't crazy about me taking it but knew it might bring me some relief. So I started it eighteen months ago.

The first few months were glorious. I had a four-week cycle. I had three days of a period. It didn't hurt. I didn't feel like I was hemorrhaging all the time. I felt normal. Darling commented it was like I was pregnant again, but I didn't gain as much weight (one of the unfortunate side effects of the pill). My hemoglobin started creeping up closer to normal. No more clotting.

Then I started having spotting in between cycles. No biggy! A little spotting doesn't hurt much. Then I started having spotting for a week or more. Then I started having the spotting and no period to speak of. Then I starting spotting for a month at a time, never getting an actual period. I went back to the OB, the checked things out, I was physically ok. She gave me the option of discontinuing the pill or switching to another one with low estrogen. I picked the new pill.

That was in October. I have had no periods since then and I am not pregnant. I finally stopped the pill last week because I was spotting for an entire month and never got a period. Darling was freaking out so I had to take about thirty pregnancy tests to assure him that we were not expecting in December (one of our lucky months!). I am still waiting to see what happens this month.

Back to the drawing board! I am now going to attempt NFP again, it sorta worked before. I may take a refresher class. The most difficult time I have with NFP is that since my cycle is so irregular it is very difficult to figure out just when I ovulate. Ovulation predictors do not work, they tell me I am never ovulating. I obviously did ovulate twice!

I will NEVER take an oral contraceptive again. I've learned my lesson on that one. I think for now one we will just keep doing what we've done all along. Or perhaps I can convince Darling to head to the urologist (pigs have a more likely chance of flying today!).


I just realized, tomorrow is March. Just to be safe, Darling is sleeping on the couch for the ENTIRE MONTH!!!! HA!

How Did You Get Here?

Most of the people that read this blog are people I know. Once in a while a person from a galaxy far, far away stops by. Other times I get people who click through blogger or click on links from people's sidebars until they get here. Here are this weeks google searches that landed people here:

gap old school sneakers (in an asian language, no doubt)
bj's playset review
autism sing-songy voice
layered bob
random muscled boys (Oh. My. Goodness. Don't even want to know what they were looking for!)
bugboys

Crazy stuff, peeps.

Bugaboo's Latest Antics

Bugaboo has had a complete personality change the past two weeks. Gone is the smiling, happy and active little boy. In his place is a miserable, screaming imp. We do not like the newer version of Bugaboo and would prefer it if the old Bugaboo came back to us. Have you seen this child?

Seriously, though, the past two weeks have been difficult for him medically. He had a wicked ear infection a few weeks ago, got an antibiotic shot and it cleared up. Then he started with horrible tummy troubles. We started on the new tummy meds, things started to clear up and the screaming began. We ended up back at the doctor with a raging ear infection, resulting in both of his ear tubes being projected out of his ear drum. With some drops he has been doing much better, the Motrin helps the rest. This weekend we chose to stop the laxative, as he was going SO often that it seemed to hurt him.

Big mistake. Since he arrived home from school today he has cried, bitten his hands, screamed, run around screaming, run around laughing, destroyed half the house and has been giving us massive drama about going to bed. We started the bedtime routine at 7:30. I am posting this at eleven and DH finally has had the last straw and is taking him for a ride. We've tried warm baths, hot compresses, rocking and pacing, cuddling, singing, feeding, drinking, he just won't settled down. He screams so much he is closing his eyes (pure exhaustion) and still screaming. Something is just not right.

I know he needs to go to the bathroom but that cannot be all that is wrong with him. Couple that with the fact that he just cannot explain how he feels and the fact that he must be frustrated being belief, and you have a recipe for disaster. This child is at his breaking point. He is angry, frustrated, moody and sad. He is not the child that I know. I am hoping that this anger will lead him to the place we need him to be. None of us can take much more! We are ALL tired and depressed about it. We just do not know what the next step is. I have prayed and prayed and cried and cried. I need answers for him.

This evening he tried to run himself a bath. I was cutting out paper dolls with my little neighbor girls (we were sitting RIGHT under the bathroom, mind you) and the water must have been running for ten minutes. Little Miss and Middle Girl asked me to print out more doll clothes so I sat down to print them and he came running into the room crying. Middle Girl kept trying to tell me he was wet and I brushed her off, my eyes still looking for paper dolls. I figured she meant like his diaper was wet or that he was playing in the sink again. She said, "No! He is REALLY wet. I mean REALLY!" I turned to look at him, noticed he was fully clothed and completely, soaking, wetter-than-a-fish wet. I also saw a trail of puddles through the kitchen so I went up to the linen closet to grab towels to dry him (and the floor) and only then did I hear the tub running, drain closed, showerhead partially on. The water was freezing cold and up to the top of the tub. I caught it just in the nick of time.

I am sitting here right now emotionally and physically drained. I am sore from rocking his thirty-six pound body. I am tired from not sleeping a full night for two straight weeks (and six straight years) and for not sleeping a wink for two nights. I am weary because I feel defeated and trodden upon. Tonight Autism is winning and I do not want to let it. I refuse to have this take over my child and change him. I want better than that for him. But I am oh so tired...Shhhh...Shhhh...

They are back. Please pray he is asleep. Please pray that he is better tomorrow. Regardless, I will be calling the doctor and staging a sit-in until someone figures out what the hell is going on.

Thank Goodness it is Monday

It sounds awful, I know. I am actually happy that Bugaboo is back in school today. I am even more overjoyed at the thought that despite the weather (which I personally do not feel is so bad, even looking at my street) there is no delayed opening and no snow day. I cringed at the thought of it last evening as the snorecasters changed their minds, from one inch to four inches to six inches to four again, and then, Oh yeah! We forgot to mention the ice, frozen rain, sleet, etc.

And to top it all off, Bugaboo had the audacity to start screaming at three am. I know he was in discomfort, he would thrash around, stick his feet in between my knees, place my hand on his heart (he loves to cuddle that way when he is ill) but just couldn't get comfy. I know for a fact I forgot to give him some Motrin and his ear drops before bed, I just could not bring myself to get up and get him anything. Darling was kind enough to do it when he heard me pleading with Bugaboo to "please go to sleep! Mommy cannot hack this anymore after ten days!" He obliged once his Daddy got the holy grail (his sippy cup). And not just ANY cup, mind you. You know that many children with Bugaboo's type of delays have to have THE cup and THE spoon and THE pair of shoes. I have learned to buy three of the same shirt or pairs of shoes in different sizes!

I had this crazy, fancy idea that since Bugaboo had ten days off, and I am a certified special education teacher, that I would spend the entire week sticking to a rigorous schedule and working his program (ha! WHAT PROGRAM!). I thought I would emphasize language, language, language. Mommy and Bugaboo would spend the entire day just reinforcing vocabulary. With Bugaboo's school mate there for the week (his mommy is a High School teacher and a single mom with no one to watch him) I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get them interacting and working on relationships. What I did NOT plan for was his belly upsets, including four days straight of constipation and then his ears exploding to the point that his tubes would pop out and bleed!

We spent the entire week cuddling. We paced while he cried in pain. We heated up his bean bag (the one mommy uses for her sinus headaches) to place on his tummy and help with the gas. We went for rides when he was beyond soothing, since the car is one of the few things he loves at any time of the day. When he did feel up to playing he would crawl around pushing his buses or would devise ways to get outside when mommy was peeing (he is a MASTER at eloping at the most inconvenient times!). He did enjoy getting his snow and rain boots out, and all of our boots for that matter, and wore the around the house. He even wore them to bed most nights! I did managed to play with him and his pal a little and I took them for looooong daily walks around town. This was my only break from seven am to seven pm everyday. One lucky night I managed to go tutor (yes, I've started again, I am so glad I did) and go to choir practice all in one night! It was wonderful to work with a student again but it solidified my belief that once I can return to work (if!) that it will not be in a classroom. I will continue tutoring but cannot bring myself to teach in a classroom again. I do not think I can spend all day with children with autism and then come home to it, too. I have to take a break from it! I cannot let autism become our entire life. I want us to have a life and then have autism. Does that make sense?

The crazy thing is that as much as I enjoy being with children and I am proud of the fact that I worked my ample posterior off to get this degree, I now know my limitations. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have the experiences that I have had. I love the fact that I chose to go back to school (after four majors and nine years) to finish my degree. I have always had babysitting or daycare jobs. I worked my way through college with tutoring work (and Darling's support, we were married by then). I am the adult that always ends up watching everyone else's kids at parties or sitting at the kid table. I just feel called to be with children. At at time in my life where I had NO IDEAS and NO DIRECTION, I was pointed at a school and drawn to work there. It was not for the money (ain't much in this field) but for that feeling of accomplishment. The feeling that I was doing something important and that others counted on me to do my job the best was I could. I feel the same way about being the mother of my children.

Even though life has thrown me curves I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Without getting all crazy-philosophical on y'all, I will tell you that it "just fits." I cannot really explain it. I have never been more at ease or relaxed in my life. Now, yesterday I was getting Irish around these parts and had an entirely different post in mind. You know, the one where I complain about how weird my kids are and how much I hate it? I am glad I never got a chance to sit and write it, I am sure I would have deleted it today. It is not truly how I feel.

This is how I feel about our life, with or without autism:

• I am blessed by a wonderful, loving, supportive husband who puts our needs first (except when he wants to buy a car)
• I have two awesome and happy little boys who always know when to give their momma kisses!
• I am fortunate to live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and send my children to get schools where they get the services they both need
• I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to have such a supportive and loving family. Without our siblings and parents we would be lost. Our parents may have their annoying moments, but they truly love our children and support us the best way they can.
• I am one lucky woman to have everything I need and more. This is a difficult life to lead (read:stress!) but it is the only life I have and I try to live it to the full.
  
• I have a healthy, nearly-fit body (I will get back to the gym today after a two-week hiatus) that enables me to go through the physically punishing part of parenting children with ASDs. The meltdowns and tantrums are not easy to manage and keeping my body happy helps.
• I am fortunate to have many friends. Friends that will listen anytime I call them. Friends that don't think I am a dolt for missing a coffee date that I helped plan because my son was up sceaming all night and my husband wanted to let me sleep because he knew I needed it more than a cup of joe! (if you can even fathom that concept!) Friends that call me and tell me when I am being an idiot. Friends who like me even though they've met me. Friends who read my blog and still like me.
  

Most of all I am overjoyed at the fact that I have a brain that can handle planning, paperwork, IEPs, therapies, appointments and day-to-day home life. I can get my house looking decent before school buses arrive. I can throw dinners together in minutes. I have routines that keep it from being too overwhelming. If I nag enough I can even get Darling to pack lunches (he slides once in a while). If someone is sick I manage to keep my house from going to heck in a hand basket. (Thank Flylady and motivated moms!)

When I become overwhelmed, Darling can sense it and heads it off by coming home early from work, taking the boys to HD or for a long ride, drawing a bath for me or just leaving me alone and getting them out of my hair. He will let me sit and play mindless arcade games online or crash on the couch and flip through my Discovery Health Shows or put up with me watching my beloved Extreme Makeover Home Edition. He knows I am addicted to caring about the plight of others and need to watch things and cry and get emotional (which I did, a few weeks ago there was a 60 minutes segment about autism, followed by a family on EMHE who have FIVE out of six children with autism, I was very emotional and hopeful after watching it!). He knows that sometimes I just need to turn into jelly and not move, speak or respond in anyway. I am going out on a limb here, but this may be part of the reason I met him and married him.

This week I have decided to dedicate to me. I haven't had a haircut since October. My eyebrows are growing in and I need them reshaped. I haven't colored my hair and the grey is showing BIG TIME. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks because Bugaboo doesn't exactly like the babysitting area (too loud) and Bug Boy kinda tolerates it. So, I have plans to eat well, exercise and sleep as much as humanly possible this week.It means sticking to a schedule and getting it done, but I will do it!

Life is good...

Friday Wrap-Up

My first task of the day was to get outside in the blustery wind and clean up the doggy treasures before more meltage occurred and made it a poop-swamp. Digging and scrapping doggy-doo out of little half-frozen, melted and refrozen puddles is always a fun game. I literally had a whole Tarzhay bag full of dog stuff (and snow). Don't try this at home, kids...

Bugaboo is still asleep, as of seven-thirty. Either he stayed up too late (75% likely) is sick (20% likely) or actually needs more sleep (5% likely). I am not a gambler and I do not care why he is still in bed, just that I may actually finish a hot cup of tea sans nuking this morning...

Bug Boy was awake before I was and is happily chowing down on Honey Nut O's and a banana. He is being amazingly compliant this morning, a huge change from the past few weeks (since the Groundhog's Day Fiasco of 2007). I think part of it has to do with the fact that since he woke up early he was able to say goodbye to Daddy. Daddy has been working twelve-hour days lately and barely sees the boys, except for weekends. I like sleeping in on Saturdays...

Speaking of Darling, yesterday he had his yearly review (for 2006) and received his raise and promotion, as promised. He also received a sizable bonus, enough to literally buy the car he wants, cash (there is a 2006 leftover that is a bit cheaper). That is after taxes. I, of course, reminded him that if he wanted to go out and spend that kind of money all in one day, I could think of three therapies we could plunk down money for TODAY and about five things that need to be done to the house in the next three months (roof, a few windows, siding, ripping down the unsafe deck and regrading underneath to prevent seepage in our basement). For some odd reason the conversation ended there. I cannot figure out why...

The good news is that Darling is being serious about staying on antidepressants. He finally agreed that it wasn't just work stressing him out (he was blaming it on work) but that he has major depressive episodes and probably has a chemical imbalance. He has been so much more interactive with us and happier all around. He even comments on how much better he is able to handle the little things that used to set him off. Do not think he doesn't get angry, he still does. It is just that he does not completely lose it when he drops a contact or spills a drink. And when I had to be out three nights in a row this week (parent meeting, choir practice, tutoring) he did not turn into a zombie and get snitty when I came home. The house was picked up and the kids were in bed, a major feat. Now if only I could get him to pack lunches...

Speaking of being out of the house, I am looking forward to breakfast/coffee with the girls tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is our coffeefest for the flygirls. We have a new favorite spot, thanks to Trace. I plan on getting there early to get the good table, since there is a whole gaggle of us...

Speaking of early, the kids next door are coming over in five minutes and I am putting them on their buses. Their parents have a home-based business and work some crazy hours, the dad was working until MIDNIGHT setting up servers for a client. They have to work all weekend (and I mean, all day Saturday and Sunday) so Polite Boy may stay here all weekend and keep Bug Boy busy. The girls will go to their Nana's. I have had them every morning and afternoon this week, and they stayed for dinner last night. I have also had Bugaboo's little school friend here all week from eight until three-thirty (he also has PDD). Needless to say, I need Calgon in the worst way. I also need to shave, desperately. Not that you needed to know that...

Speaking of hair removal, I need a haircut! I also over-plucked the eyebrows before Christmas and the woman at the salon begged me to let them grow in for six weeks or more, she swares (swears, even) that it is the only way to fix them. Letting them grow in has shown me why I pluck them in the first place. I tell people I am going for the Brooke Shields look, but deep down I cringe when I see my almost-unibrow. Since Darling has one, too, both kids inherited it as well. Lucky...

My day is starting, kids are arriving. Have a great day/weekend/Chinese New Year/first week of Lent, y'all.

Bugaboo and the Bad Ears

For the past week Bugaboo has been miserable. He has cried constantly and it takes us forty-five minutes to an hour to calm him down. Just when we think we have it figured out he starts all over again. Since he hasn't been going to the bathroom everyday we figured it was his bowels and reflux acting up again.

The GI recommended we put him back on the laxative and we did. After a week on it he still wasn't producing a bowel movement everyday. The screaming and crying was getting progressively worse and his personality had done a complete turn around at this point. Gone was our happy, laid-back content little smiler. In his place was a miserable, reticent child that I did not care for too much. We updated the GI yesterday (it had been a week and it was getting worse by the hour) and she suggested doubling the laxative, adding Milk of Magnesia (good luck getting it into him!) and a suppository as a last resort. He FINALLY started going to the bathroom last night and it quickly became diarrhea, which was the plan. They wanted him completely flushed out to be sure there was no obstruction or twist. If he did not go by this morning they wanted him in the ER for an x-ray or CT scan.

Last night I had a parent meeting and returned home at nearly ten o'clock. Bugaboo was still awake, still crying, completely miserable. Darling had tried several times to get him settled and to get him to sleep. He finally gave up. Bugaboo just screamed and screamed. I tried getting him calmed and tried every trick in the book. He was finally asleep, exhausted beyond belief, around eleven, nearly four hours after his typical bedtime. Darling and I were also exhausted, I had dealt with the screaming all day!

This morning he woke up at the regular time. He was groggy and cranky. He barely touched his food. By ten o'clock he was crying again. After an hour of it I COMPLETELY lost it and yelled at him. I think I had finally reached my breaking point after a week. I just picked him up, looked in his face and yelled, "WHAT IS YOUR F-ING PROBLEM????!!!!" Of course, that just made him cry more and I felt awful for it, but I was at a total loss. I tried calling Darling at work. No answer. I tried calling two of my friends. No answer. That was the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak. I decided that the only person that could help me was the pediatrician.

All I had to do was tell them he was screaming for days, they heard him screaming and said, "Bring him right in!" I packed up Bugaboo and his school buddy that I am watching this week and away we went. She checked his belly. Soft, no distension and slightly gassy, but fine. She checked his breathing. Fine. She tried his temp. Normal. The fact that it is an ear thermometer and he went postal should have been my first clue.

Normally to look in his ears we have to restrain him. I have the technique down pat: He sits facing away from me, my legs over his, one arm wrapped around his shoulders to hold him against me and keep his arms from moving and the other arm holds his head to the side against my shoulder. The doc (amazing woman!) dives in and checks one ear, then we move his head the other way. It is NOT easy. He REALLY fought us this time. And when she finally got a decent glimpse (easy, since you can see his nekkid ear drum with out an otoscope, his ear canals are deformed) she exclaimed, "OH WOW!" And proceeded to tell me that there is blood in his ear canal, the ear drum is bulged out, the tubes are popping out from the extreme pressure in his ears. No wonder he is screaming in so much pain! The whole time we thought it was his belly, and part of it might have been. It just never occured to us that his ears would be bothering him. He just had a WELL VISIT on Friday, for crying out loud! They looked fine! It happened THAT fast.

Normally we have a few clues. Low grade temp, nose stops running (which it did! But I just didn't notice!) the dog goes nuts licking him. I think we just weren't paying attention, or, were side-tracked by the stomach issues. I know we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it. But the truth is I feel like every time he makes some decent progress we end up taking several steps backwards. This past week was especially frustrating and difficult. He just wanted to be left alone, but when he cried he wanted us to pace around the house holding all thirty-six pounds of his four-year-old body. Since he is more than half my size, that is not easy for me!

I am really hoping and praying that next week, when he returns to school, he is well and happy and ready to go back. We need some massive progress soon.

Happy Ash Wednesday! (or, Mj Gets All Preachy On Her Bad Self)

hol·i·day /ˈhɒlɪˌdeɪ/ –noun
1.
a day fixed by law or custom on which ordinary business is suspended in commemoration of some event or in honor of some person.
2.
any day of exemption from work (distinguished from working day).
3.
a time or period of exemption from any requirement, duty, assessment, etc.: New businesses may be granted a one-year tax holiday.
4.
a religious feast day; holy day, esp. any of several usually commemorative holy days observed in Judaism.


I know are thinking that "Happy Ash Wednesday" sounds ridiculous, but I have my reasons.

Think about it. Why do some of us observe this day? Why do we observe holidays that have morphed from pagan rituals to hallmark holidays? What is the meaning behind the days printed on our calendars? I'll give you a hint: It has nothing to do with buying cards.

In our family we do not "celebrate" St. Valentine's Day. We do not buy each other expensive, meaningless gifts to "profess our love." There is no need because we practice that 365 days a year, or at least attempt to. We do not make a big deal out of New Year's. We do not drink our selves silly on St. Patty's Day (although we conceived that night, twice!). What is the point? We allow our kids to dress up and trick-or-treat on Halloween, but we do not go nuts putting out ghosts and skeletons. We keep it "fall themed." We do not celebrate "SANTA" on Christmas. Bug Boy knows who Santa was and why he is just a "fun person" around Christmas Time. We do not get our picture taken with him and we do not give presents from him. We put no more emphasis on Santa than we do on St. Lucia or St. Nick's Day. They are just ideas and stories.

Do not get me started on Mother's Day and Father's Day. We could seriously be here all day.

Now y'all are thinking that I am a boring, mean mom who takes all of the fun out of celebration. If it makes you feel better, we DO make a big deal out of birthdays, because we want them to know how blessed we feel to have brought them into this world.

Think about the meaning behind the word "holiday."

[Origin: bef. 950; ME; OE hāligdæg. See holy, day]

Get it? Holy Day, Holyday, Holiday? Yeah, that's where it comes from. Religions have observed HOLY DAYS for years. That is where the emphasis needs to be, on observing the Holy part of the day.

Now, don't get yer panties in a twist. I'm not saying that you need to convert and celebrate Ash Wednesday because I said so. I am not even saying that you have to ditch Santa for your kids, that is your business. What I am saying is this:

If you tell yourself that you are going to "celebrate" or "observe" a particular holiday, please be mindful of just what it is you are observing. Don't do it half-assed. Find out what this day is all about and figure out why you are doing this in the first place.

I know. Easier said than done. But seriously, I have heard so many excuses about why people ignore the foundations of holidays that it kills me to recall them. You know, they don't have time, don't get the point, it is too difficult, it is too expensive to get the right foods, etc, etc. Hogwash. If you are going to "believe" something, don't cop out halfway through. Go for the full monty.

No, I am not referring to nekkid middle-aged men doing a strip tease because they need money or else they go on the dole.

Take your beliefs seriously. Investigate why you believe it. Understand more about yourself through your chosen spiritual path. Take time to find out who you are in regards to that path. Learn more about your religion. Find out why you observe those days and live that observation, don't just read about it. The only way to truly raise your children in faith is to live it every day. Pray WITH them. Go to services WITH them. I know it is difficult, Bugaboo is the last person I want to bring to Ash Wednesday services, believe me. But I will be there this today, and walk around all day with ashes on my head for a reason. To observe something that I am live everyday. That is all I am on my soapbox for.

Thanks, enjoy the veal.

And, for the record, I do not do "Fat Tuesday." But I do fast today, go to services and abstain from meat.

What's So Bad About This Life?

I will admit that things around here are not always easy. The past week with Bugaboo has certainly tested the limits of my patience. I have yelled at him once or twice and swatted him on the behind this weekend when he wouldn't leave the fireplace alone. I am reaching my boiling point a bit sooner in the evening than I would usually reach it. I have found myself wishing for a weekend away (which, incidentally, is coming up in a few weeks!).

Now, while I complain about how hectic things are and how much I need a break, it really is not all that bad. I have a good life. I have a great husband that works his tail off to support us so that I can stay home and take care of our home and children. I have two amazing little boys who never cease to amaze me. I have a nice place to live in a nice neighborhood. My boys are doing well in school and have great teachers. I am healthy and happy and am typically well-rested (although this week Bugaboo has been difficult to get to bed and wakes up frequently).

When my mother comments about how difficult it is for me to function, I try to tell her that it isn't more difficult than what anyone else goes through. When people tell me that they are sorry I have to go through with this, I tell them that I am glad I am going through it. Now, at three in the morning, when Bugaboo is screaming bloody murder and is completely out of it and he is out of control, I am not exactly thinking about how great my life is. Quite the contrary. Sometimes in my sleep-induced stupor, I tell Bugaboo that I do not like him right then and that I am going to sleep and he can just scream if he wants to. Sometimes I tell my husband I am leaving and never coming back. When he tells me this the next morning I laugh, mostly because I do not remember saying it. The truth is that despite the fact that I constantly wonder how the heck I pull this off everyday, I like my life. No, I LOVE my life.

If someone told me six years ago that I could have my pick between "normal" kids and kids like mine, I have to honestly tell you I'd probably have picked the "normal" ones without hesitation. After working with children with special needs for so long I knew that there wasn't a chance in heck that I'd want that stress and pain in my life. It is more expensive to raise special needs children. They are sick more often. They need more special toys and games and clothing. They require special foods. You have to fight, fight, fight to get the basics. You have to worry about their future much more, because you aren't sure if they will ever be independent. You worry about them running away in the middle of the night. You find yourself hoping they will never be victimized, since it seems so easy.

What I've realized looking back is that I would not trade it for anything. There are no guarantees in life. It was entirely chance, or so I thought. I knew I had to love my children and deal with whatever I got. Somehow I knew when they were born that I would not have an ordinary life. My babies were just different somehow. One never stopped crying and screaming and puking and the other was entirely too complacent. It was a big, fat, red sign of things to come. And I knew it was coming.

So, what's so bad about learning patience in parenting more quickly than others? What's so bad about learning about unconditional love as a parent? Some people go their entire lives without ever figuring it out. I've got everything I need and more. I am truly blessed.

Well-Itnentioned People

I receive several calls and E-mails a week about everything related to Autism. There are people in my life that try to make sure I hear everything that is out there, which I appreciate. There are also people in my life that think I have my head in the sand and feel they need to point out every little thing in every little report and then call me and ask me if I've read/seen/called about it. While I appreciate their thoughtfulness, it is starting to get OLD.

My Mother-in-Law never passes up an opportunity to give me information. She is the one, by the way, that called my husband one night when I was out (on purpose, so she could lecture and grill him on how we have our head in the sand, even though all along we were PRIVATELY deciding how to handle the matter and were in the process of seeing specialists and having him tested) and decided that Bugaboo had Autism, because she read a list on the Internet. He was fifteen months old at the time. She complained that he never looked at her and he screamed when she came over. Never mind that we were struggling with the realization that something was going on with our child. I can't help but feel that it was an, "I told you so!" situation. I felt like my parenting skills were being judged.

Now, she truly does dote on the kids. She lives close by and comes over when we need her. When Darling was on his recent business trip and I ended up with a stomach virus, she came over when I needed her. She has done that many times in the past. She is the one that came over as much as we needed when we were new parents, and again when I had a C-section and had a two-year-old at home.

I guess I feel uncomfortable with her passing so much along because it is usually old information that we've seen and discussed and because she almost always asked if we've tried that for Bugaboo, if we are considering it for Bugaboo or if we think we should do it for Bugaboo. Because, you know, it is that easy. Just read it in Newsweek and VOILA! Instant thousand-dollar therapy for your kid that has no scientific research and no guarantee it will work for any child. Just a bunch of doctors who say, "Hey! They want a cure! Let's give them anti-psychotic drugs and see what happens! Let's put them on funky diets and see what happens!" Sorry, call me a doubting-Thomas but I ain't trying stuff like that on my child. He is not a Guinea Pig.

Don't get me wrong. We've considered some weird things. We've done the GFCF diet (very briefly) and we've put him on vitamin supplements. We have tried essential oils (he HATED them) and certain behavior therapies. But one thing that drives me crazy is when people hear you have a problem and say, "We have a drug for that!" Remember, my Darling works in pharmaceuticals, and we know more dangers and risks than most people. There is a time and place where medication is useful and needed, but we believe very strongly that our child will not be on psychotic drugs. It is not worth the risk of added ticking, liver damage and stunted growth just to make him "more aware" of his surroundings.

That said, there are other medications that we may pursue in the future. He is only four years old! We have no way of knowing how he will change in the next year. Part of me feels that I am not giving him every opportunity available and wants to give him meds to see what will happen. The other part of me says that it isn't such a good idea, that we need to give him more time. But then again, we feel like we are running out of time! We feel like he is four and we need to DO SOMETHING!!!! What if we find out a few years from now if we just had rubbed lotion on his ears or had just made him eat popcorn once a day, that he would be talking to us. I know it sounds silly, but when you are in this position you feel like you could try anything. Then your senses kick in and you laugh at yourself for your clouded judgment. Then you pray even harder for guidance because you want God to send you on the right path.

I know there is a plan for us. Bugaboo is here to teach us something. He is here to prove the statistics wrong and to bring our family closer. He is here to teach us to fight for our needs. He is here to make us rely on one another and to love each other unconditionally. I am sure if there is more, it will be revealed to me. I've always prayed for patience...guess what? I am learning it now! Your prayers are always answered, friends. The answer isn't always the one you want.

Snow Day!

Wanna know something cool? Do ya? Huh? Do ya?

The kids have off and so does Darling! YEAH!

Ok, I am not completely overjoyed at the thought of spending every waking moment housebound with no hope of relief but it is not entirely a horrible thing. For starters, because Darling is not required to show up at work today I have some relief from the Baby Bugs. The kids slept slightly late today (woohoo! 7 am!) and therefore we were able to stay under the covers talking quietly until we got our lazy selves out of bed to get them breakfast. We are all still in pajamas and might not shower for a while just because we can do that today.

Things have a funny way of working out. We have been quite stressed as of late and were lamenting Sunday evening that we both needed a day off. We got it! No appointments, no lunches to pack, no bus schedules to worry about, no errands to run, no one we absolutely have to call. Nothing.

All we have to do today is eat when we are hungry and go to bed when we are tired. We may actually try shoveling but may have to hit HD and pray they have ice melt, since the last three storms have depleted our supply of enviro-friendly ice melt. We may even COOK but are leaning towards take-out. We might even run a load or two of laundry. I might fold it. But we do not have to.

The only potentially bad thing about today is that Darling's brother is due to fly in from California. He is visiting this week because we are having a family gathering for MIL's sixtieth birthday this weekend. He will spend the first three days with his father (not Darling's father, BIL is his half brother) and then the rest of the time with us. That is, if he can get here in this mess. Methinks his plane will be delayed, he is supposed to arrive this afternoon. Or not.

And the best part? I do not have to pretend to celebrate Valentine's Day today. Darling and I feel very similarly about this day. We think it is a lab-created holiday for people to sell tons of cards and flowers. My personal opinion is that it is not needed and that people should attempt to be romantic and thoughtful EVERY day. I feel the same way about Mother's Day and Father's Day. And don't' get me started on the fact that there are ST. PATTY's cards. This Irish chick thinks that it is dumb.

So, here I stay in my jammies, boys playing on the floor. Sipping cups of tea and eating a banana. Life doesn't get any better than this!

ADHD Brains and how they work

Ok, wanna know how an ADHD brain works? Here is a portion of our conversation (well, Bug Boy's soliloquy, since he doesn't actually have back and forth conversations) on the way to duPont for our appointments yesterday:

Bug Boy: Mom?

Me: yes?

Bug Boy: Mom? I don't want Daddy to sell the jeep. I like riding in the jeep in the summer. I like it when we take the top off and go and get Ice Cream. Ice Cream has coliseum in it and that is good for my broken arm*. I like riding in the jeep. Hey! Look! A bird's nest! Do you think it's a bird? Or do you think it's a squirrel? Did you know they don't have squirrels in Australia? Shadow loves chasing squirrels. She's never caught one. Nope, never. Shadow needs her teeth cleaned. Her breath is really bad. Know what? Mom? Know what? I brush my teeth everyday and I do not have bad breath. Shadow does. Look! Another nest! Know what? I don't want to get blood work today. Ok? I don't have to get it, right? No blood work? We're going to go to the doctor to get my mole checked. I don't want them to take it off. It will hurt and they will have to give needles and blood work. I don't like that. I want to keep my mole. Can we get a kid's meal when we get there?

Me: The cafeteria won't be open until 11 for lunch...

Bug Boy: I want to get chicken nuggets and french fries. Not cheese, though. Nope. Can't have dairy. And I don't like their cheese. I'll just get ketchup. Can we stop at Wawa and get a soft pretzel?

And people wonder why my head is spinning at the end of the day...


*Bug Boy's arm has been healed for about seven months now,although he still refers to it as broken. We are selling our '84 CJ-7 garage-kept Sunday driving car and Bug Boy cannot comprehend why. It was the mantra of the day, "I do not want to sell the jeep!"


UPDATE: Perky wants to know if everyone's brains are supposed to work like this. Well, yes and know. It is one thing to be an enthusiastic child who wants to point out everything he knows in life. It is another thing altogether when he cannot concentrate, has difficulty relating things (even with the incessant chatter, yes) and when this type of brain activity gets in the way of normal day-to-day functioning. Ooops, said that N-word again. Normal. I mean TYPICAL, mmmkay? So when it gets in the way of functioning TYPICALLY, like being able to sit and read a book, being able to attend to a teacher's instructions, being able to control your body from doing certain things, then yes, it is a problem. But, like i said, it is the least of my concern. There are so many things going on with these kids that I just cannot think about it right now. So, if it is getting in the way of functioning typically, you cannot get organized, you feel overwhelmed because you get nothing done, you cannot carry on a conversation because you are constantly distracted, then yes, get it checked out.

FIller

I'll write more later, honest.

This weekend was very stressful. While Bugaboo was quite interactive and talkative he also drove us CRAZY. He was giggling and babbling the whole weekend, except that he also tore the house apart from top to bottom. Needless to say, I am sooooo looking forward to spending the whole morning with him at duPont undergoing a procedure.

Don't get alarmed. It is a simple thing, really. A gastric emptying scan , while boring and tedious, is as easy as drinking milk and taking pictures. The waiting in between (and not being able to feed him) is what is going to kill us. They have him drink, take a pic. He drinks more, they take more pics. Wait, wait, drink, pic. Wait more, wait even more, take a pic. We are hoping to have it done in 2-3 hours. Please pray. Bug Boy then has an appointment with dermatology at 11 so we have exactly three hours for the GES. Bug Boy is not thrilled with having to come with us so early (we leave at 7) and to have someone looking at his beloved mole.

Random Thoughts By Mj

Just to clarify (since there were so many responses to my last post), I did not necessarily offend anyone, I just believe that perhaps the things I wrote were either taken the wrong way, or someone thought I was speaking directly to them when I was speaking to someone else entirely. I realize that I can write whatever I want and that this is my blog, yadda, yadda, yadda. I also feel it is important to get my point across (whatever in the world that point may be) in a way that is least offensive or emotionally upsetting as possible. You dig? So, while I do not believe I will censor what I decide to spew on the intertubes, I do feel I should take care in the WAY I say it. Okey Dokey? Good. Moving along...

(PS - nothing ups your stats and delurks folks than a good controversy.)

• So the other day Darling and I were out with the boys. Bug Boy was telling us about his friend Zachary and how lucky Zachary is. How so? Well, for starters, apparently Zach celebrates Christmas AND Hanukkah! I mean, THAT'S ALOT OF PRESENTS!!! When we tried to explain that Hanukkah and Christmas were not about the presents, they were about celebrating something important, Bug Boys replied, "Well, Mom and Dad, I've given this a lot of thought. I am going to become Jewish. I WILL celebrate Hanukkah!" We almost died laughing. Quite a bit of conviction. We did let him know, however, that since his friends celebrated Hanukkah and Christmas and Ramadan and other holidays and observances, that it was ok to want to celebrate things that we do not usually partake in. We may not do those things at home but we are fine with him reading about it, talking with his friends and asking about it. I think he was satisfied with that answer. Until he told me in very plain words that he was angry that Zachary did not celebrate Easter. Ummmmm...Yeah. That was a difficult one to explain.

• So, help me out, friends. When he is upset and asks what his Jewish friends do on Easter, what do I tell him? One friend said, "We go to the movies and eat Chinese." Is that an appropriate thing to tell him? We've just been working the angle that we are all special and that we all celebrate things in different ways. It is fun to learn about other cultures and holidays. We have to respect that others celebrate differently than we do and they do they same for us. But we are all the same in God's eyes. We are all special and unique people and are all given a special life...
  

• We went to the car show last night, MIL stayed with the kids. She is good at putting them to bed before we get home but never passes up an opportunity to let us know how Bugaboo did and how much he cried. Or that he climbed in a window sill. Or that if he is constipated and needs prune juice! Prune Juice will do it! It helps everyone! Get PRUNE JUICE! AAAAHHHHHH!!!! Ok, nevermind the fact that this child has amazing taste ability and one drop will be enough to begin a hunger strike. And she makes it sound like, "OMG! He did THIS and THAT! Can you BELIEVE IT? I mean, you know, you need to DO something about that. THAT is not safe. THIS is not good. SO-AND-SO cousin (who is perfect to her) is a year younger and stopped doing that! HE'S STILL DRINKING OUT OF SIPPY CUPS!" Now, I love her. I appreciate that she cares and wants to offer. When walking out the door she made sure WE were sure that we wanted to leave our heavy jackets at home since it was cold (we parked across the street in a garage from the car show, we were not cold in the least). But, I cannot take it when she keeps telling us how to run our lives with Ian. She has no idea what it is like. She cannot possibly imagine how hard we work with him. He was sooooooo testing her last night, just by the description she gave. You know, "I think I'll flip the light switch. On. Off. On. Off. ONOFFONOFFONOFFONOFF. Oh, you want me to stop? Stop doing this? onoffonoffonoff. Stop turning the light switch on and off? This light switch right here? ONOFFONOFFONOFFONOFF. Ok, I'll stop switching THIS HERE light switch on and off. Just a minute. ONOFFONOFFONOFF." Yeah, that about sums it up. He knows how to push her buttons. He knows how to get her attention. He eats it up. And then he wails when she corrects him and she feels sorry for him and rocks him and walks around holding him (he is 36 lbs and four-years-old, y'all. Getting too big for the infant routine!). I think he does it to get her to pay attention to him, otherwise she kinda tends to just keep the peace and not try any harder. She just wants to keep him happy. In a way, I believe she is afraid of him. And woe is her for letting him know that, he will ALWAYS push it with him!

• I have about 200 errands and phone calls to make today and I will be lucky to get to ten. I have a ton of appointments to confirm or make, people to call to follow-up on paperwork, paperwork to fill out, copies to make and mail to the appropriate people, a meeting to attend to fill out more paperwork, an appointment to take Bugaboo to, etc, etc. Fridays are soooooooo crazy. We almost always order out because the after-care kids do not leave until 6:30. Darling wonders why I crash on the couch at eight o'clock Fridays. Hmmmm...I wonder

Time to get #2 on the bus. He has announced he will no longer go to school on Fridays. Fridays are not good and he won't go. Do you think that since Daddy has been working from home on Fridays it has ANYTHING to do with it?

You don't even have to like potatoes to be my friend

I am thinking of posting a disclaimer at the top of all of my rambling thoughts. I have had more than one person tell me that they were confused or felt sensitive to the things that I am rambling on about. If that is the case, I want to tell you right now, before I post another word, that I am truly sorry that I made anyone feel uncomfortable in anyway. I do not feel I should censor what I write about, especially since it is obvious that I will not win journalism awards due to the fact that I do not proofread, I do not spell check and I rarely use appropriate punctuation. My mother is an English Professor and I am too lazy to write like a grown-up. I guess what I am trying to say:

If you are reading this and you do not agree with what I have written or you are offended or hate me for writing it, or if I wrote something and you think I am writing it directly to you, please do not avoid talking to me about it. Please take it with a grain of salt, so to speak.

You see, this here blog is just a collection of the ramblings of a madwoman. Mad Momma, really. I blog because I tend on the side of ADHD (as does most of my family) and we have more energy than a person should have naturally. If I don't blog or talk out EVERY LITTLE DETAIL running around in my head then it all gets stuck up there in the thirteenth brain cell, lost forever in a kind of limbo, never to come out again. When I am falling asleep at night the last thing I need to be thinking about is who I sat next to in ninth period English class or what type of cologne what's-his-name wore at the Valentine's Dance. I do not need to remember the way the previous owner's furniture in our PREVIOUS home was arranged, since it does not matter a hill of beans to me at this point in time. I most certainly have better things to be considering. Oh, I don't know, perhaps making doctor's appointments or filling out the endless piles of paperwork that goes along with having a special-needs child and children with IEPs?

I guess what I am trying to say is this: To all five or six of you that read this blog, please do not ever assume that I am speaking directly to you. If I am speaking to you I'll say, "Hey! SO-AND-SO! This means YOU!" I mean, I have never in my life been accused of being reticent. Let's just say I have the opposite problem (diarrhea of the mouth, I am told it is called). The other thing I do not want you to do is read what I have to say and start questioning your own decisions and your own lifestyles. I do not want you to say, "Hey! She's Catholic! She shouldn't say things like that!" or, "OMG! I cannot believe she likes Potatoes! THE NERVE!" because, you know (I cannot believe I am going to say this! Ok, here it goes...), You do NOT have to like potatoes to be my friend.

This is what I love about my friends:

• The come from all walks of life
• They vary in age
• They vary in racial background
• They vary in religious upbringing and practice
• They have kids
• They don't have kids
• They like sushi and I don't
• I like Star Trek and they still love me

So you see, just because I have an opinion about something and it differs from what you think, please do not think ill of me. Please do not be intimidated when I "get Irish" or spout off on my soapbox. Please do not think that because I make a parenting decision that it is a decision that you should make for YOUR family. All families run in their own way.

I love y'all!

Genetics

For those of you who need to know, I am recovering from the recent stomach flu, I still cannot eat and have bad stomach cramps. I am also wiped out physically and want to stay in bed all day. The boys have a TWO HOUR DELAY! ACK! HELP ME!!! Ok, it is out of my system. I will survive...

Yesterday we saw the Genetics doctor who specializes in metabolic disorders. She took one look at Bug Boy (his hair, his mole, his stature, his hand and foot shape) and had plenty to say. There are some things they are going to look at, due to a number of physical genetic flags, but the gist is that they still really do not know for sure. The boys most likely have a metabolic disorder that involves how they metabolize and store (or lack thereof) certain things. They have the most trouble with sugars and fats, lactose and fructose being two of the culprits.

This is not typically a fatal thing. There are types of these disorders that children do not survive due to failure to thrive and genetic defects. Bugaboo and Bug Boy have always been 75% and up for weight. This is clearly not their issue. But they do have a tendency to break down fatty acids and sugars and instead of storing them, they float around and end up being soaked into places they should not. Like their brains and muscles, who have no use for them but cannot get rid of them. Therefore, the boys have side effects: muscles cramping (too much lactic acid); headaches and seizures (from storage of things that do not belong in the brain); frequent urination and constant thirst (from the blood sugar imbalance, most likely hypoglycemia); problems regulating body temperature and profuse sweating (and the body odor and pimples, yes pimples! That go along with it.). The biggest thing is that Bug Boy (and now Bugaboo is developing it) is the muscle cramping. My kids cannot tolerate exercise. It may be why their weight is 50-75% but they are still healthy. The doc feels that they'd be horribly skinny if they didn't have the intolerance problem. Basically the boys muscles will cramp up after 1/2 a block of walking or riding on a flat surface. They simply cannot continue. It hurts! This is NOT normal for a little boy.

Long term the prognosis is good. The good news is that they are catching these things earlier, as they typically do not manifest until preteen to teenage years and beyond. By then the majority of the treatments are no good and they go on to develop kidney and liver problems, hypoglycemia and diabetes, hypertension and heart muscle problems, the list goes on. With the boys being so young there is much they can do. Some treatment may involve a monthly IV treatment, similar to what they do for rheumatoid arthritis. Some treatments use medications, although the boys most likely will not respond.

The doctor knows Bug Boy has this. She is not sure about Bugaboo because he is nonverbal and cannot relate some of the symptoms. At the moment we are assuming he has it and are proceeding with the tests to diagnose it. Since it is usually developed when children are older, it is possible that he will develop it full-blown by the time he is high school age.

The perplexing thing is that children with these conditions, while they develop delays due to illness, RARELY, if ever, have autism at the same time. This is not the first doctor who has told me that they do not believe that Bugaboo has autism. Just about every specialist has. But I am convinced he does. Am I a bad mommy for thinking that? I mean, I believe that the name doesn't matter as much as the therapy. But the name is necessary right now in order to get the therapy. The therapy is helping. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. We see the Developmental pediatrician again in March. We shall see. She already thinks that ADHD combined with a developmental delay due to chronic ear infections and sensory disorder is his main problem. He just exhibits these other tendencies. She also thinks he has aphasia, an inability to get your brain and mouth to coordinate in order to talk. But if that were true, they feel he'd be able to sign! He hasn't shown much interest in learning.

The best part of all of this? Late talkers and similar developmental delays run in the family on both sides. The genetic disorder could be passed on through the mother so there is a very good chance that some of my nephews (one in particular) has it. The metabolic issue is most certainly from Darling, or he has it and I am a carrier. The doctor showed me the nifty chart she made explaining my family tree and who has what, and where things most likely come from. Rather fascinating, this genetics stuff.

What have I been up to?

I am sorry for being so lame and not posting for a few days. There have been some difficulties since Thursday...

Friday started like any ordinary day. The kids woke up, Darling slept a little late since he was working from home. Bug Boy announced he had to watch the news due to the fact that the groundhog is supposed to be on. I glanced at the clock and we were five minutes past the time for the groundhog broadcast (good ole PCN had it on). Bug Boy started whining and complaining so I did the next best thing. I found the feed on the Internet (Punxatawnyphil.com) and we watched it.
The stinking thing takes ten minutes. They read some goofy proclamation and then knock on the burrow, create a bit of suspense and with pageantry and flair they remove the poor creature from the burrow, thousands of lights flashing. They hold him up high for the whole crowd (of 15,000) to see and then place him on top of the burrow, where the groundhog committee pretends to decide if the poor thing has seen his shadow or not. Then a new proclamation is read. In 2007 there is no shadow. Winter is short this year.

The most disturbing wail escaped Bug Boy's lips. He carried on, totally distraught, for over an hour. He missed his bus and I had to call him out sick. He was so emotional over this I considered calling his therapist. Combine that with the fact that he hadn't had a bowel movement in two days and the fact that he was having muscle cramping issues that day (part of the metabolic issues) and there you have it folks, a recipe for disaster. I spent the rest of the day trying to be emotional supportive and attentive so that he would function.

Saturday Bug Boy ended up being invited for a playdate with his best buddy down the street. It is the first time he played at T's house. His parents are very nice but are having a difficult time accepting the fact that T has been diagnosed with some learning difficulties. T was born at thirty weeks and had a very rough start, staying in the hospital well after his due date. He repeated kindergarten this year and is a year older but is barely getting by. At first his parents thought he was picking things up at school and didn't want him in the support classroom. This year they finally figured out that what all of the teachers and such were saying is right. Their son has needs that must be addressed. They are working on finding the best solutions for T and are working on what they want in his IEP right now. One of the moms dropped off her son at T's house and asked his mother tons of nosey questions. The one that got T's mom's goat was, "Do these other kids have Learning disabilities? My son has NEVER played with a child like THAT before. We don't know anyone like THAT. I don't really allow him to be around children like THAT because I don't want him to act like THAT." Yeah, because you know, learning disabilities and autism are contagious. Gosh forbid your precious Johnny play with my kid, it might rub off.

I mean, THE NERVE!!! Can you believe that people are like that? She even had the audacity to state that too many people were moving to this district because of their kids' learning problems and she was sick of it. She even went as far as to say that she did not let her children play with those children. T's mom did not know what to say, she wasn't about to say, "Well, see that kid there? He is autistic, that one has PDD and my kid has ADHD. Be careful! He might CATCH it!!!" T's mom doesn't think they will do any more playdates together.

While Bug Boy was at the playdate, Bugaboo and I were at home. Darling had to go to work (yes, on Saturday). Bugaboo cried ALL DAY. I held him for TWELVE hours. We never did pinpoint what was bothering him, he was out of sorts and cried and was inconsolable. It was awful! I was so fried and miserable Darling took us out to dinner. The kids actually behaved for once. Of course, the restaurant was empty at a few minutes to five so that helped.

Sunday Bug Boy and I headed to church and then coffee hour afterwards. They do it once a month at our church. Afterwards we headed home to do some housework and clean up. Bugaboo's little buddy, A, was coming over for a visit. A's mom is a single mom and teaches full time. She needs help on the days A has off from school so I said I'd help out and keep him for her. He is an ADORABLE child, not yet four. Blonde Hair, Blue eyes, gorgeous smile. He LOVED the dog and spent most of his time kissing her and petting her. She LOVED IT, of course. You know, because we do not give her any attention at all. It was a nice afternoon! Bugaboo was still a little out of sorts. When they left we had homemade chicken veggie soup that Darling made (it simmered all afternoon, it smelled so yummy!) and then the game started. The kids went off to bed and we sat and watched and laughed at some of the commercials. Then we went to bed as soon as it was over.

Darling is on a trip for three days so my free time will be limited until Thursday. MIL is coming over to watch the kids so I can go to a parent support meeting this evening. It will be nice to get out ALONE at night!

Ok, gotta hit the gym. I have some energy to work off!

Thursday Thirteen

13 Reasons I don't feel like doing a &$@^(* thing today...

1. I have cramps
2. I am spotting mid-cycle. Again.
3. I haven't gotten a period in four months
4. I am calling the OB/GYN to find out WTF is going on here.
5. DH was sleep-walking last night and I had to chase him to bed twice. At midnight and 3am. He heard a dog barking, went downstairs to "let Shadow in." She was sleeping on the bed with us. Then he checked to make sure the fireplace doors were shut because it might be dangerous to leave them open. We haven't had a fire in four days.
6. Bug Boy woke up at 5 singing. Or rather didn't wake up. He was sleeping and singing.
   
7. Bugaboo had to be put back into bed SIX TIMES last night. He laughed every time. I didn't find it so endearing after the third time.
8. The cramps are causing my lower back to THROB and my hips to ache. I am very active so this is making me nuts. All I want to do is park on the couch and flip channels.
9. The dog ate a chocolate chip granola bar. She ain't feeling so good this morning, y'all. We are going to the vet this morning.
10. I have to go BACK to the store because after I did my weekly shopping, two lists came home from schools and I need to send in a few things. That and we do not have Elmer's glue, for some odd reason. We only have glue sticks and it is difficult to glue 100 candy corns to a piece of cardboard for "100 day" when you only have glue sticks. And Hot glue melted the candy and didn't work, so you are starting all over again.
11. I made my daily phone calls this morning. Three appointments made or switched at duPont. I am still on the waiting list for Dermatology and I am annoyed. I told them as much when I called, the supervisor is calling me back at 9:30. I've been trying to get an appointment since last December. 2005. That mole needs to come OFF!
12. It is snowing, yet again. The kids need a good pile of it to play. I am sick of sweeping it off of the sidewalk. It is a very long sidewalk when you live on a corner!!!
13. I feel like I haven't been out to do something social in ages. I keep thinking of our date weekend for our anniversary in November. I missed the kids but it was SO NICE to get away and sleep in and eat when we wanted and do what we wanted. I think I need another day like that soon.
    

Sorry for the bad attitude. I am extremely hormonal.